


Eye Contact

by dammndean



Series: Eye Contact [1]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Jealousy, Kidnapping, Language, Nightmares, Past Abuse, Reader-Insert, Series, past trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-07 08:18:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 24,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16850476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dammndean/pseuds/dammndean
Summary: The reader is new to the Stark Tower, with a complicated past and an interest in the just as complicated friend of Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes. This is their story.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd, so all mistakes are on me.

“Hey Y/N, you got a minute? There’s someone I want you to meet.” Steve’s blonde head popped through the door of your bedroom. After knocking and waiting for you to allowing him to come in, he didn’t want to completely invade your space, so he just spoke from the doorway.

“Oh, uh sure Steve. Let me grab my shoes?” You smiled at him before standing from the chair you were previously sitting in, reading a book. You placed the book on your table before standing to slip on the closest pair of shoes to you.

”Great! I have been dying for you two to meet, he just got back late last night from his mission, when we debriefed earlier I asked him to meet us in the common area.” Steve’s smile was contagious and honestly made you a little giddy, who was this stranger that Steve was so excited for you to meet?

“You’re just trying to get me to make friends so I stop staying in my room all day aren’t you?” You joked and softly rammed your shoulder in his arm, a playful gesture.

“Well you aren’t wrong about that kiddo.” He ruffled up your hair before you swatted him away, following after him down the hall way, trying to smooth your hair back down on the way.

Your mind wandered, over nothing particularity interesting, just something to fill your mind for your walk. There was a peaceful silence between the two of you and before you knew it you were at the common area. Your eyes were scanning, looking for an unfamiliar face, you met most of everyone else and knew you’d know who Steve was so excited for you to meet based just on appearance.

That’s when it happened, unforgettable  _eye contact_. Piercing blue eyes, looking straight through you, deep into your soul. Your breathe hitched in your throat, and you couldn’t help the look of surprise on your face. Steve’s hand patted at your back, ushering you deeper into the room was the only thing to bring you back to reality. You were trying to make yourself remember how to breathe. To remember you weren’t alone and now was not the time to seem like a pathetic girl, pining over a stranger or even worse, just stare at him like some weirdo.

“Y/N, this is Bucky Barnes, my oldest and best friend. Buck this is Y/N Y/L/N, aka the new girl.” Your new friend, Steve, aka Captain America, introduced you two with a big smile on his lips.

Bucky’s eyes never left yours and you tried to clear your throat. You let your feet bring your across the floor, stopping when you were face to face with Bucky. He casually leaned up against the bar in the common area, probably used to serve drinks from when Mr. Stark through parties for The Avengers. .

You gave him a small smile before you stuck your hand out to shake his hand. ‘Keep it together Y/N, stay professional’, you told yourself. Bucky hesitated, his eyes finally dart down to your hand with an unsure look on his face. The polite smile on your face faltered some and you went to withdraw your hand, the pang in your chest a little bit too real considering you didn’t even know this man. You cast your eyes down, making you miss the look Steve gave Bucky, he just rolled his eyes some before taking your hand in a quick shake.

Since your eyes were down the handshake caught you off guard. Your eyes quickly met his again. There it was again, _eye contact_ , it was almost debilitating. You didn’t know if you could ever get used to those icy blue eyes. Bucky’s hand wasn’t in your, much smaller one, for more than a moment. Almost like he couldn’t bare it any longer than he had managed. Like your skin burned his, and you assumed maybe he wasn’t big for physical contact and decided to not dwell on it too much.

Your gaze held his, his eyes never left yours but before anything could be said he tore his eyes from you to head back down the hallway you had just came from. Once Bucky was out of your sight completely you let out a breathe you didn’t realize you were holding.

“Well that was… something.” You weren’t quite sure what to say, you knew he was Steve’s best friend but besides that you didn’t know much about Bucky Barnes. You knew that he and Steve had been through a lot and you also knew that Bucky went by another name, The Winter Soldier. In your free time you tried ‘Googling’ some of The Avengers, so you weren’t completely clueless as to who they were.

“He must not be feeling well today, probably tired from the mission. Don’t worry about it too much, kid.” Steve took up for Bucky, he always would, but he would for sure be having a talk with him later about how rude he was to you.

“Alright Steve, whatever you say. I’m going to head to my room, get a little more comfortable being here before I meet anyone else, k?” You smiled sweetly at him.

Steve gave you a nod and a smile back. Steve placed one of his large warm hands on your small shoulder and gave a reassuring squeeze. Out of all of this you were at least happy to make one real friend. With that you made your way down the hall to your new room, in your new home, Stark Tower.

* * *

You woke up to a light tapping on the door, so faint that you wondered who would even bother knocking so quietly. You pulled the warm blankets from your body to open the door. At first you opened and no one was there, so you peeked your head out to the right to see nothing, then you pushed the door open more to look to the left to see Bucky walking away.

“Bucky?” You asked after him quietly.

He stopped walking and turned around, the muscles in his back tense _._ Bucky quickly turned and made that same soul piercing  _eye contact_ with you.Your breath hitched as his steel gaze held yours. He waited a brief moment before taking one step back towards you.

“Steve sent me to get you for a training session.” He said plainly, like he’d prefer be doing anything else.

“Oh, uh, okay. Just give me a couple of minutes to get dressed?” You asked quietly, not understanding why Steve would send Bucky, when he clearly wasn’t a fan of you.

Bucky didn’t speak again just leaned himself against the wall to wait for you. You stood there, probably a moment too long taking in his profile, your eyes catching on the gleam of the soft light bouncing off of his metal arm that hadn’t been exposed to you the day before, but Bucky didn’t seem to notice.

You quickly returned into your room shaking your head, willing yourself to be unfazed by him. Sure Bucky was attractive, but he clearly wasn’t even interested in being polite to you. There wasn’t a point of even letting him infiltrate your mind. You let out a huff of air before hurrying to your bathroom to brush your teeth, throw your hair into a bun and put on some deodorant.

You made your way over to your drawers and opened them to see your all new clothes, they were here waiting for you when you showed up. Somehow everything seemed to fit you perfect and was just your taste, but you didn’t question it. You pulled off your sleeping clothes, tossing them into your hamper. You quickly pulled on a sports bra, some tights and a fitted tank top, deeming it all good work out gear. You plopped down on the ground tugging on a pair of socks and slipping into your work out shoes, not wanting to make Bucky wait any longer than needed.

You got up quickly and exited your room, you softly shut the door behind you before turning to Bucky. His eyes never met yours, and it kind of saddened you, for some reason eager for his eyes meet yours. You didn’t let any emotion show on your face, you just made your way after him, not allowing your brain to think too much. Before you knew it you were in the gym and there stood Steve, with a big smile on his face.

“Good morning Y/N! Sleep well?” He made his way over to you and gave you a squeeze on your shoulder.

“Good morning. Yes Steve, I did, thank you for asking.” You responded quietly.

“Excellent! I was thinking today, just we can get a sense of what we have to work with, you and Bucky would do some hand to hand fighting and I would assess.” He sounded so sure of himself but you weren’t so sure if it was a good idea.

You a chanced a glance over at Bucky and it was almost like his eyes were waiting for yours to meet his. Although this time the look was paired with a clenched jaw. He clearly wasn’t a fan of the idea and you had your doubts too.

“Did you ask if Bucky was okay with this first? I don’t want to make him uncomfortable.” You spoke to Steve but your eyes didn’t leave Bucky’s.

You could tell your words took him by surprise and his eyes softened at you a little.

“It’s fine.” Was all Bucky said before taking his place in the middle of the mat Steve was currently standing beside.

“Are you okay with it, Y/N?” Steve didn’t want to push you too much, knowing the full extent of what had happened to you.

“Sure,” You gave him a reassuring smile. “anything to get me a step closer to getting a cool super hero name like you, ‘Captain’.”

He laughed at that, when you two first met he had explained most of everyone else called him Cap but you thought that was silly and wanted to call him by his first name. Steve said it was fine and that was the first time you had ever even called him anything but Steve.

“Alright let’s begin!” Steve’s hands clapped together, and you took your place across from Bucky, hands up and ready to fight.

You and Bucky sparred for who knows how long, Steve directing you on what to do, so he could evaluate exactly how much you knew. Bucky was very impressive though, he was quick and strong, every move calculated and thought out, you understood why Steve asked him to spar with you. You could tell that Bucky was surprised by your strength and quickness as well, he probably expected a lot less from you.

“Great job Y/N! I think that’s probably enough for the day. I must say I’m quite impressed. She’s going to be a great addition to the team wouldn’t you say Buck?” Steve turned to Bucky, clapping a hand onto his shoulder, waiting for his friends answer.

“Yeah, sure. She’s great for some girl.” Bucky’s words were harsh and you couldn’t stop your reaction.

Your eyes widened and a small gasp left your mouth. Why was he such a dick to you? You’d done nothing but be nice to him, yet he always acted like he couldn’t stand the sight of you. Only moment ago you were keeping up and sparring with him proving you were more than some girl.

“Bucky-” Steve started to scold his friend but you cut him off.

“No Steve it’s fine, I haven’t been just some girl in long time.” You took a step towards Bucky, an accusing finger out to him. “Maybe you shouldn’t speak on things you don’t know. You and I, we aren’t as different as you might think. I know that I’m not just some girl Steve, but if he wants to think I am, let him.” You were seething, your teeth clenched in a rage. You weren’t sure why you were so mad, normally you’d just shrug it off but it just set you off.

You stood there your chest rising and falling heavily, and this time your eye contact with Bucky held a heat to it, you didn’t feel crushed by his gaze.No, you were trying to make him feel the weight of yours. You noticed his eyes soften at you, clearly your words had an effect on him.

“Y/N-” Bucky said your name softly, not meaning for his words to have the reaction that they did.

You held up a hand in protest, “I’m going to go shower.”

You didn’t wait for a response you just walked to the gym door, pushing the heavy door open and stormed back the way you had came, not even sparing a glance back at the super soldiers behind you.


	2. Chapter 2

You were still fuming and your brisk walk only slowed once you go to the kitchen by the common area, just long enough to grab a bottle of water and a granola bar to hold over your hunger for now, then you were off again. Once you were in the private space of your room you let out a frustrated groan. You paced for a moment, willing yourself to calm down, you opened up your granola bar and started taking small bites of it. Between the bites of granola you took sips of water and after a moment you felt a bit calmer and a bit embarrassed by your outburst.

You really weren’t in the place to be stirring up trouble or making anyone have a bad idea of you, hell you were alone and if not for Steve and Mr. Stark who knows where you’d be or what you would be doing right now. You sighed at the thought before shaking it off, much like you often did. You decided to go ahead with your shower,hoping it would relax you.

As you washed yourself your mind wandered, probably a little too much. Somehow your once angry thoughts towards Bucky became clouded. You remembered how his body felt against yours when he had you pinned to the ground, you thought about the cool of the metal arm vs the overly warm feel of his flesh one holding your arms above your head. Mixed with the look he was giving you, his steel gaze seemed to never leave your eyes and honestly you weren’t sure how you made it through the session, you held a blush on your cheeks the entire time.

You did your best to be professional and you didn’t think that Steve or even Bucky noticed, but it only made what happened after worst. You didn’t let yourself think about it, something you were pretty good at, avoiding things, just letting the past be the past. Bucky very clearly had an issue with you and you weren’t sure why but you knew you had to get yourself over this and move on from something as juvenile as a crush.

Once you were out of the shower, feeling moderately better about the events that had transpired earlier. You brushed your hair, leaving it to air dry then headed to your dresser for some clothes, before you could settle on what to grab there was a knock on your door. Just a small one, eerily familiar to the one Bucky used this morning to wake you. Your breath hitched but you knew if you waited too long he would walk away, if it was indeed him. You stood a moment, deciding what to do before hurrying to the door and swinging it open.

Your eyes met his always intrusive blue irises, and your heart ached. His normally intense gaze was replaced with a much more somber one, and you noticed how his eyes were flecked with a deeper blue, making them seem more like pools than eyes. You stood there, just gazing into them before you realized you were being overly obvious, you straightened your back and noticed that Bucky still hadn’t moved or said anything. Was he staring into your eyes right back that entire time?

“Bucky?” You saying his name brought him out of the trance he seemed to be in, then his eyes quickly left yours.

Bucky’s eyes widened before he turned around quickly, his broad back to you now. At first you were confused then it dawned on you that you were in just a towel, your cheeks heated up. You remembered the first time Steve had knocked at your door and you opened it in a towel, you would have thought you were completely naked and bare for him to see with the way he reacted. They were born in a different time, a time when women probably didn’t open doors in their towel.

“I uh-” Bucky cleared his throat before continuing. “I just wanted to come and say sorry about earlier. You were right, I shouldn’t speak on things that I know nothing about. I hate when people make assumptions about me, I apologize for what I said.” You saw the weight of what he said to you actually on his shoulders, he seemed to be beating himself up over it.

“Oh, uh, thank you for apologizing Bucky. It’s fine, don’t worry about it okay?” Your hand moved to his back, hoping to relieve some of the tension he was holding.

What you hoped to be a friendly move was apparently far from it. When you touched him he just about jumped out of his skin, apparently being touched wasn’t his thing.

“I am so sorry, I was just trying to-” Your words were quick and frantic. He clearly already didn’t like you and you clearly just made it way worse. You weren’t sure why you were trying to console him, considering he came here to say sorry to you.

Bucky turned his head to the side, “It’s fine, just surprised me is all.” His eyes met yours again, his jaw ticked and you suddenly felt very exposed under the scrutiny of his stare. As much as you liked looking into his eyes, your gaze fell to the ground, it was your turn to feel bad about invading his personal space.

You adjusted your towel, pulling it closer to your body and the movement wasn’t unnoticed by Bucky. You were trying to comfort yourself maybe, or perhaps you were uncomfortable that a strange man with a metal arm was forcing you to talk to him while you were just in a towel. Bucky shook his head, why couldn’t he do anything right?

“Anyway, I just wanted to apologize for my behavior earlier, I need to think before I speak. Bucky’s back straightened again as he pulled his head back, facing the wall in front of him.

“Like I said, it’s fine Bucky, really don’t worry about it. I’m sorry for touching you, for startling you.” You smiled at him, even though he couldn’t see your face you hoped he could hear the smile on your voice.

“I think tonight Tony’s going to order in some food for everyone, we’ll all be in the common room like 6 or 7, if you want to join.”

“Oh, yeah okay. I’ll head that way like 6 or so.” You were surprised by the invite, it’ll be your first real dinner in a group since you’ve been here and you were a bit nervous about that.

“I’ll see you later?” He asked, you noticed the tension in his shoulders.

“Yeah, see you tonight.” You didn’t wait for his response before shutting your door and leaning against it, your head hitting the wood with a soft thud.

You kind of just spent the next few hours in a daze, you got dressed in comfy clothes and grabbed your book before heading outside to the balcony to read some, you came back in to browse the internet some more, watched Netflix, trying to catch up on the years you’d missed, all while never leaving yourself to your thoughts too much.

Before you knew it it was 5:45, so you stripped yourself of the comfy clothing and decided to wear jeans and plain t shirt. Once you felt satisfied with your outfit, you went to the bathroom and decided to put on a bit of make-up an left your hair alone, it air dried to be a little wavy, you were okay with it. With a small shrug, you decided to head to the common area, this was going to be interesting.

When you opened the door Bucky was there, only this time he was leaning on the wall across from your door, facing you.

He seemed more like his typical self now but he sent you a barely there smile, that mixed with his steel gaze had you swooning. You noticed his hair was in a low bun, hair kind of wet like he had a quick shower before heading to your room. He wore a plain black t shirt, low slung dark wash jeans with some brown boots. He looked incredible, you wished you would have dressed a little better now.

“Whatcha doing here, Bucky?” You smiled at him before closing the door behind you.

“I invited you to dinner didn’t I? What kind of gentleman would I be if you just met you there?”

You weren’t sure what to say so you just smiled back at him, gesturing that he lead the way. What would he have done if you didn’t head that way until later, it was right at 6. How long had he been waiting for you, or how long was he willing to wait? He confused you to no end.

“Ladies first, doll.” Bucky pushed himself from the wall and signaled you to go ahead of him.

Your stupid heart had to speed up at the fact he called you doll, your brain tried saying ‘It’s probably just something he says to females’, but your treacherous heart still thrummed harder in your chest. You squeaked out something that sounded kind of like “K’, before heading down the hallway.Only a couple steps towards the common room and Bucky was beside you, his long legs making it easy to catch up with you.

He wasn’t sure why he decided to come back down and wait on her for dinner, part of him felt pathetic but she seemed to enjoy the fact that he was there waiting on you. He felt some weird pull to her and it seemed like the best thing to do, considering he clearly upset her just earlier today. He knew that she had said it was fine, but the response to him calling her some girl had him even more curious about her. What happened to her that would make her say they aren’t that different? He tried to ask Steve about it after the ear chewing he got from him once Y/N stormed out but of course Steve wouldn’t tell. Steve just told him that you’d only been here for two weeks top and ‘That’s her business Buck, if she wants you to know, she’ll tell you.’ He was half tempted to go find your file and read through it, just so he could know, but that felt like an invasion of privacy and Bucky wasn’t going to do that to her.

“So you’re Steve’s best friend, huh?” Your question interrupted Bucky’s thoughts, but he quickly recovered.

“Uh yeah something like that.” Bucky gave you a nervous smile, were you small talking with him?

“That’s cool, I think it’s great that you two have each other. Steve’s been nothing but nice to me since I got here.”

“That’s Steve for ya.” Bucky wasn’t used to anyone else calling Steve by his first name, normally it was Cap or Captain. He actually couldn’t remember the last time someone else called Steve by his name.

“Why don’t you call him Cap like the others?” Bucky was genuinely curious.

You gave him a big smile, “I don’t know really, guess it never really crossed my mind. After well… everything that happened. How I ended up here and everything, the beginning wasn’t easy. Steve was there for me the whole time and I think someone like that deserves to be a person before anything else, I guess. Calling him Cap seems impersonal to me.” You shrugged, unsure if you even made any sense.

“Why do you go by Bucky? I read that your name is James?” Now it was Bucky’s turn to smile big at you.

“You been doing research on me, doll?” Your feet stopped moving and your mouth fell open, why did you have to ask that question?

“Not really, well I mean kind of, but like not just you. I mean I did look you up specifically but I looked up everyone. Oh god I sound like a stalker.” You cradled your face in your hands from the embarrassment.

Bucky laughed at your reaction, this had to been the most he had smiled and laughed in a long time.

“When I got here I just didn’t know who anyone was, so I ‘Googled’ everyone, cause I might be the only person on the planet who didn’t know who The Avengers were.” You gave him a smile that didn’t quite meet your eyes, and Bucky felt a little bad for pressing.

“You’re speaking to someone who missed out on more than just a few decades worth of stuff, I’ve done my fair share of searching the internet too.” You felt a little better at his admission and also a bit worse, knowing that what he went through must have been actual hell.

But before anything else could be said you were at the common room, there were people bustling around, your gaze drifted along the room seeing Sam, Tony and Steve talking while sitting on the couch. Natasha was talking to Clint in the kitchen, you both nodded at each other, a knowing nod.

More food than you thought even these super heroes needed sat on a long table between the couches, the long table hadn’t been there before. On the smaller couch to the left you saw Vision talking to Wanda, and her eyes immediately felt yours on her, she gave you a smile and a small wave that you returned, ever grateful to her.

_“Y/N, this Wanda.” Steve spoke to you softly, knowing you wouldn’t respond but he didn’t want to just leave you in the blue._

_You were currently strapped to a table in a foreign place, your brain was foggy and you weren’t sure how you even ended up here._

_“This isn’t going to hurt, alright? I’m just going to try and help situate your memories some.” It was Wanda speaking now, you could hear her but what was she talking about?_

_The next thing you felt was warmth through your body, but at the same time you felt pain, sadness, the feeling of something not being quite right. You let out a loud gasp and the fog over you cleared. Your eyes were frantic, full of memories of your past life. You weren’t sure what was real and what wasn’t, it was all too much for you._

_“Where am I? What’s happening?” Your voice was broken._

_“Hey, listen to me I’m Steve, Steve Rodgers. You’re going to be okay now, this here is Wanda.” He gestured to her and your eyes met hers and she looked tired, Wanda knew that getting through your mind was going to be a challenge but it didn’t stop the fatigue she felt._

_“It make take just a little while but I promise you, you’ll be back to normal in no time.” Steve’s voice was so sure, you believed him even in your scared mindset, you decided to believe in Steve Rodgers._

“Y/N! Bucky! There you both are.” You were brought out of the memory by Steve’s voice.

“Come, eat, drink, be merry! We got Chinese.” Tony spoke as he stood and smiled before holding his arms out gesturing out to the food.

You let out a laugh, “Does this happen a lot?” You squinted at Bucky.

“All the time.” He smiled back at you, his eyes lingering on yours a moment too long.

Your knees weakened but you quickly recovered and responded to Tony, “Thank you sir, I’m starving!”


	3. Chapter 3

“Thank you sir but I couldn’t eat another bite.” You shoved the plate that was in your hands onto the table, being more full now than you can ever remember being. You sat for an hour or so, being mostly quiet and just watching them all react to each other. You spoke when someone asked you a question or something like that but for the most part you were just happy to have the company.

“Can we cut it with the sir stuff? It makes me feel old, call me Tony.” Tony had already told you once before that calling him sir was unnecessarily formal for him, but you were just trying to be polite.

Your cheeks flushed, “Sorry, Tony.”

He waved you off with a smile, “How you been holdin’ up anyways, adjusting well? I have meaning to touch base with you some, if you need anything don’t be afraid to ask.”

Your eyes cut to Bucky, he was one of the only people who didn’t fully know what had happened to you and you honestly didn’t know how that made you feel. You got anxious any time you thought of what happened too much, so you tried to keep your mind anywhere else. Your eyes lingered on Bucky’s a blink longer than you would have liked before you responded.

“I’ve been fine, thank you. By the way my room is incredible, I’m not sure how you managed to get everything perfectly in my size and taste, but I’m not complaining.” You had meant to thank him again, for everything.

“Steve says you did well training this morning, gave tin man over here a run for his money.” Sam spoke now with a laugh.

“Tin-man?” Your confused expression matched the tone of your voice. Sam let out a loud laugh and your face fell into a small smile, understanding the joke now. You could clearly see Bucky’s annoyance, he rolls his eyes at Sam.

“Oh tin-man, cause of the arm. Good one, Sam. Does that mean everyone calls you bird boy, ya know cause of the wings?” You jabbed back at him and his laugh stopped quickly, a look of shock fell on his features before his laugh returned even louder than before.

This time everyone joined in, “I like her, she’s sharp.” Sam finally said after his laugh had died down.

You chanced a glance to Bucky, who was already looking at you, with a content look on his features. You had just taken up for him, in your own way, and your skin blushed again. Could you be any more obvious?

“Thank you again Tony, for everything. I enjoyed all of it, but I think it’s time for me to hit the hay.” You stood and took your plate to the kitchen before cleaning it off and telling everyone goodnight for now. Steve stood to give you a half hug and a ruffle of your hair, for some reason it was the thing he always did. You shoved him away before your eyes fell to the steel blue ones you were becoming more and more obsessed with. You gave him a small wave, which he returned, smiling at you the whole time.

You blushed and made your way down the long hallway briskly. Once you were behind the privacy of your door you smiled from ear to ear, after these past two weeks, you weren’t sure what life would entail and honestly you were more than pleased at the moment than you thought would be possible. You headed to your bathroom to take off your make up and wash your face, throw your clothes into the hamper leaving you in your panties before you snatched a big sleeping shirt from one of your drawers. You fell to the bed and almost immediately fell asleep wrapped in the comfort of the fluffy bed and blankets. What started as a peaceful sleep quickly turned into anything but. Memories flooded your mind in the form of a dream, or more of a nightmare.

_“Again Y/N, tell me everything you learned.” You’re brain was fuzzy and you felt like you had been through this multiple times._

_“I already told you everything.” Your voice was slurred, then you felt a sharp pain, like an electric shock through your body._

_“And I said tell me again!” The man was wearing a white lab coat but before you could focus on his face he shifted to a well dressed man, his face was still a blur though._

_“Again, Y/N! You have to fight harder, train harder!” But why did you have to? You couldn’t remember why, but they need to follow his orders was all that mattered._

_You hit your opponent over and over, with kicks, closed fists, head butts, whatever you could manage before the man you had been sparring with fell to the ground, unable to fight anymore. That made the man in the suit very happy, his laugh boomed around the room._

_Next thing you knew you were following around some man, faceless just like the others. You took a sip of your champagne, stealthily following the target. The target? Is that right? You heard his deep voice mention something about heading to the bathroom, you made your move then. Bumping into him as he passed, allowing your drink to spill all over you._

_“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry!” Was that your voice? Why did you sound like that._

_“I’m sorry, I should have seen a beautiful woman like you from a mile away. Let me get you cleaned up Miss…” His voice had a thick accent._

_“Y/N” You answered._

_“A beautiful name for a beautiful woman.”_

_You closed your eyes a moment before opening them again, this time you were laying in bed with another faceless man, you looked down and you were naked. How did you end up here?_

_“My love, I can’t believe you will be mine for the rest of all time.” His voice was deep and accented, oddly familiar._

_”I can’t believe it either, I’m the luckiest girl out there.” Was that your voice? What were you talking about?_

_You brought a hand up to softly rub the mans cheek, even though you couldn’t see his face either. Your knuckles brushed his face then abruptly he was lying in the same bed, lifeless. You repeated your movement from earlier, knuckles brushed the cold cheek of his paled flesh. You turned and walked out of the room, then somehow you were instantly trapped in the same chair from earlier._

_“Again Y/N, tell me everything you learned.” You had been through this before, hadn’t you?_

_“I already told you everything.” Your words were heavy with anticipation, then you felt the shock through your entire body, a scream ripped through your throat._

“Y/N! Wake up!” Two hands were on your shoulders, abruptly shaking you. It was only then your mouth closed, the scream finally coming to a stop.

Your eyes flew open, there it was, that all too familiar steel gaze, only this time he was so close to you and his pupils were blown, the black almost covering all of the blue. You felt the weight and warmth of one flesh hand on your left shoulder then the cool metal hand on your other one, you shook your head slightly, grounding yourself.

You saw the darkness from the window, meaning it had to have been earlier morning, the sun not even rising yet. You glanced at the alarm clock by your bed, noting it said 4:30.

“Bucky?” You were trying to collect your thoughts, was it only yesterday you had met sparred and argued with Bucky? Your mind was kind of clouded from sleep and the dream..

“I was walking to my room when I heard you screaming, are you okay?” His eyes were searching your yours, a soft and understanding look on his face.

”I’m fine, just nightmares. I have been getting them sometimes, I’m sorry.” An apology left you, along with embarrassment, you just wanted to be normal and not plagued with these memories.

“Sorry? What are you sorry for?” Bucky held a quizzed look.

“I dunno, for bothering you? For being so fucked up? I don’t know.” Your eyes fell to your hands.

Bucky probably wasn’t the best person to comfort you, he didn’t know how. Sure, he knew how to inflict pain, but helping another person? That was harder than it should have been for him for sure.

“I get them too, ya know. Nightmares.” Your gaze met his again, you were a bit shocked at his admission.

”Y-you do?” You knew some of what had happened to him, from your internet searches but how could you even assume to know what he had been through?

He brought a hand up to the back of his neck, it was then you realized he still had flesh hand on your shoulder, it was softly rubbing, like he was trying to comfort you. You noticed then that he was perched on the side of your bed, only your blanket between yours and Bucky’s thighs, you tried to ignore the heat that you felt from the closeness of his leg next to yours. Yesterday you tried to touch him to comfort him and he jumped from you like it hurt him, this was very unexpected from him.

“Well I don’t really know exactly what you know, but I just have a lot of stuff that goes on in my head. Let’s just say I’m pretty fucked up too.” He answered honestly, he had barely even told Steve that he had nightmares. Why was he telling you? For some reason Bucky felt the need to comfort you, and when he heard you screaming in the middle of the night he couldn’t just leave you alone.

You gave a dry laugh, “I understand exactly what you mean.”

Bucky wanted to ask so badly about what had happened to you, did someone mess with your mind like they did his? What could have possessed anyone to prey on such a beautiful and pure soul?

“What happened to you Y/N?” His forehead was all scrunched up, with a frown on his face.

“That’s a story for another time. I think I’m going to go to the gym since I’m awake now.” You deflected, you weren’t ready to have this conversation with anyone, especially Bucky while you were pant-less in your bed after he had just woke you up from a nightmare.

He completely understood, it was hard for him to speak about what he had been through and he had some time to wrap his head around it, your wounds were still fresh so to speak.

“I understand. You want me to come with you?” The truth was Bucky had been trying to sleep when he heard your screams and scrambled to get dressed to come wake you. His room was only just down the hall from you, he wasn’t even sure how no one else woke up from your screams.

“You need sleep Buck.” You answered shyly.

Bucky smiled at the nickname, it was the first time you hadn’t called him Bucky, a nickname usually reserved for Steve. “Not tired.” He stood and held his metal hand out for you to grab it, as to help you out of the bed.

When you didn’t reach for it, he immediately regretted offering you the metal hand, he knew it scared some people, he just wasn’t thinking. He went to withdraw his hand, eyes downcast but you noticed the look on his features, disappointment. You grabbed his hand quickly, and his eyes were back on yours and full of hope. You grasped his wrist between your hands, your fingers rubbing softly, you weren’t even sure if he could feel the movement but you wanted to comfort him, like he had done to you.

“I can’t get out of bed right now, I don’t have any pants on.” You felt your cheeks warm up, but you needed him to know you would have taken his hand under any other circumstance.

Now Bucky’s cheeks heated up, “Oh, well I’ll wait for you outside. Sound good?”

Was he blushing? God, he was actually the cutest thing you’d ever seen, which was an odd thought cause he probably was terrifying to the majority of people.

“Okay, I’ll be out quick.” You smiled softly at him, and your heart fluttered at those baby blues peering through you like they often did, his presence just soothed you.

You felt light and at ease, unlike earlier in your dream as you hurried around your room getting ready for the gym with Bucky. Somehow your brain state was better while awake than asleep, which not too long ago that wasn’t the case. Once again, you shook the thoughts away before heading into the hallway.

“Ready?” Bucky asked before pushing himself from the wall. You noticed his hair was in a low bun unlike from before when you had woken you up, and he wore grey sweats with a white t shirt under a black zip-up hoodie. Hands stuffed in his pockets, smile on his lips and he was just perfect.

“Yep, thanks for coming with me.” You answered and thanked him shyly.

“Anything for you, doll.” Bucky’s eyes shone bright towards you, the honesty with his words making your cheeks blush, like they often did when you were around him.

You weren’t sure what to say so you said nothing as you both made your way down to the gym, once you down there you both head your own way. You went to do some cardio, he went to the weights, you wanted to act like you didn’t just spend the entire time staring at him but of course did. You watched as he stripped the hoodie, whipping it to an unused bench before proceeding in his work out. You turned up the machine you were running on a bit, but your eyes were on him, you felt pathetic but not enough to will yourself to stop.

He moved around the room, clearly had his workout perfectly planned and he felt your eyes on him the entire time. It was hard for him not to turn to you with a knowing look on his face, but honestly he loved the idea of you watching him for some reason. He heard you move between a couple machines, only sparing a glance at you every so often and when he did you always would give him a shy smile before turning your head away.

After a while you were tired, satisfied with your work out. You went to grab a towel and wiped some sweat away and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge that was stocked for everyone to use. You grabbed an extra towel and water for Bucky. He laid back on a weight bench, heavy breathing slowly become more evened out. You took in his sweaty, post workout state and it was sight to be seen. You cleared your throat once you made it to him, making his eyes meet yours.

“Got this for ya.” You handed over the water and the towel.

He nodded at you, “Thanks Y/N.” He grabbed them both from you before toweling off and downing the water in a couple gulps.

“Wanna get some breakfast before we have to meet Steve back here in a couple hours?” Bucky asked as your stomach let out a growl.

Bucky laughed, “I’ll take that as a yes, let’s get outta here huh?”

“Lead the way, Buck.” Your laughed intermingled with his and you two headed off for your first breakfast together.


	4. Chapter 4

That’s kind of how the next few weeks went, either you’d get woken up by Bucky shaking you out of your nightmare and you two would go to the gym together. Where you would both leave before Steve arrived, you didn’t want to worry him with the nightmares or the fact you two hardly slept the night before. You two would grab a quick breakfast together then you’d return for your morning lesson. If you managed to sleep through the night you would get woken up by Bucky tapping at your door. Well you had an alarm set by now so you wouldn’t make him wait as long. Normally you were tying your shoes when you heard the small tap, indicating that Bucky was there. You would small talk and head to the gym, Steve would always be there waiting for you. You’d spar under the scrutiny of Steve, constantly trying to catch Bucky off guard but he always seemed to be just a hair in front of you and it was infuriating.

“I don’t understand!” You grunted out as you were pinned under Bucky again.

“You’re doing well Y/N, don’t worry about it much. Bucky is a very difficult opponent, hopefully the hardest one you’ll ever have to face.” Steve thought you were doing terrific, your progress in the past weeks with his constructive criticism of your technique was astounding.

“Yeah doll, you’re doing great.” Bucky’s kind words just added fuel to the fire.

Why did he have to be so nice to you and so damn attractive at the same time? It was driving you crazy. Your eyes squinted at him, showing your aggravation. He held your wrists above your head in his metal hand, like he often did if he had you pinned down. Your angry eyes met his baby blue ones, and he had a playful look on his face, he loved this too much. Your body struggled under him, you were wiggling, hips trying to fight against the weight on his body on them, tugging your arms, but none of it was effecting Bucky. If anything it just made the grin on his face grow wider.

That’s when another voice rang out, “Captain Rogers, Mr. Stark has requested your presence immediately in his office.”

“Okay F.R.I.D.A.Y. Tell him I’ll be right there. Bucky, Y/N that’s enough for today, great job the both of you.” Steve clapped his hands together, signaling the end of the work out before heading out the gym doors.

Bucky went to get up from you, he released your wrists to lean against one to push away from you but you seized your opportunity. You caught him off guard by wrapping your legs around his waist, using his weight against him, you thrust your hips up hard causing him to lose his balance. Just as quickly as he normally does it to you, you were straddling him now, only you pinned his arms to his side not above his head. The look of shock on his face was priceless, you knew that he could quickly pull at least one of his hands from you, seeing how it’s cybernetic and lord only knows of strong it is, but he didn’t move.

“Gotcha!” You may have played a little dirty but the end result was so worth it. You wore a smirk with a glint in your eye, proud to have taken him aback.

Bucky couldn’t help but beam up at you, nothing made him happier than seeing you smile. You held his eye contact and he wasn’t about to break it off, the gleam of joy in your eyes was almost for Bucky to bear. He felt light and full of life, something he wasn’t sure he had ever felt before, at least not since before the war started

“Good job, sweetheart.” His voice was different, breathier than usual, also it was the first time he had used the pet name on you.

Your body kind of shuddered at the term of endearment, your eyes closed only for a moment and without even thinking you to rolled your bottom half into his a bit. Almost immediately after your body acted on its own accord you felt Bucky’s body freeze up completely.

Your response was instant, your eyes snapped open and met his widened, almost paled eyes.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” You were in a full blown panic, what did you just do?

You stood so quickly that you became a little light headed, but you didn’t let it stop you too much. You faltered a bit over the top of him, then with a shake of your head you took steps back from him, your eyes wide at him on the ground, hands over your mouth the entire time. Unsure what to say, hell what could you say?

Bucky looked at your frantic form, he noticed you falter after you stood quickly. He wanted to do something, say something to soothe you but he just laid there wide eyed and slack jawed. He watched your frantic eyes wait for him to do anything, all while your hands covered your mouth in a panic. He watched you slowly spiral more and more the longer he did nothing, the further your went into your head.

“I can’t believe I just did that, I am so embarrassed. I’m so sorry Bucky.” You managed to get out through your labored breathing, your feet were taking you away and through the gym doors, brain in a fog all the way to the elevators, leaving a bewildered Bucky laying on the mat.

You were so embarrassed, more than embarrassed, you were mortified. What were you thinking? You guessed maybe you weren’t, cause you would have never done that under any other circumstance. You knew that Bucky wasn’t fond of physical contact, he every so often would touch you to comfort you or when he had to while sparring but who knew how much damage you just did to your blossoming friendship with him. He was the only thing in your life giving you a sense of normality and your body had to give in to desire, for only a moment, and ruin it.

There was no way that Bucky saw you in any sort of way like that, you told yourself that, but you for sure knew it now. His face held a look of complete shock, he couldn’t even bring himself to speak because of how unwarranted it was. You had been completely fine with just being friends with him, and adoring him from afar. You knew that nothing could ever happen but your damn body still wanted it. It had been so long since you’d been touched, well a long time since you remembered being touched or wanted the touch at least. Another memory you shook out of your head.

The elevator dinged, arriving at your floor. You were so in your head that you didn’t even notice anyone around and before you knew it you slammed into a large figure. In your dazed state you didn’t react to the blow well and fell to the ground with a thud.

“Shit!” You mumbled under your breath.

“My lady! Are you alright?” An accented voice rang out.

You nodded your head, “Yes, I’m fine. I’m so sorry I ran into you..” You glanced up and up, eyes wide at the behemoth of a man in front of you.

“Thor Odinson, God of Thunder.” His voice bellowed throughout the common area.

One of his large palms reached to help you up, you accepted the hand. Thor pulled you up so quickly and effortlessly you barely had time to get your feet under you again.

“Don’t worry your pretty little head about it. I am just glad you are alright.” Thor insisted, you just nodded your upturned head, trying to maintain eye contact with the tall blonde man.

Your cheeks slowly started to heat up, you heard the ding of the elevator but didn’t turn to see who it was. You stood there dumbly staring, not really sure what to do. It was then you heard a throat clear, realizing you’d not acknowledged that anyone else was around. You turned your head to see a smug looking Tony along with Steve who had a gentle, friendly smile on his face.  You realized your hand was still in the large warm hand of the God in front of you, you quickly pulled it away. Thor’s face wore a huge grin and he gave you a wink.

“If you’re done ogling now Y/N, we have something important to talk about.” Tony’s eyes were playful, he loved poking at you.

“Uh- yeah, right. I’m heading to shower anyways. Sorry again for bumping into you Thor, but it was nice to meet you.” You gave him a shy smile.

“It was my pleasure Y/N.” Thor’s voice boomed as he gave your shoulder a small, friendly squeeze. You tried to pay no mind to Thor’s hand resting on your shoulder. 

“Also, sorry for interrupting guys.” You addressed Tony and Steve.

“Interrupting what?” Bucky’s voice called from the other side of the room.

Of course it was Bucky who came up in the elevator, like you weren’t mortified enough of what happened with him before now he witnessed you act like a ditz in front of Thor. This was all too much.

“Ah Barnes! Long time no see!” Thor’s cheerful voice fell onto Bucky’s ears.

Bucky’s eyes barely flitted to Thor, “Thor.” He response shorter than the look Bucky gave him.

Bucky felt nothing but pure lava in his veins when he left the elevator to find you fawning over Thor, your small hand in his, clearly taken back by his presence. The fact that Thor’s hand was still on you wasn’t making it any better. It was silly for Bucky to be mad, but it didn’t stop him from fuming.

You nearly shrunk under the intense fixed look on Bucky’s face towards you. You couldn’t do this, not now, well not ever really, but especially not now. The pressure of his knowing eyes on you was just too much to bare at the moment. You softly lifted Thor’s hand from your shoulder and you decided to leave without another word, nearly bolting to your room.

“Fuck me..” You let out in the privacy of your own room.

You angrily kicked off your shoes, making them hit a wall with a thud. You shucked off your tank and sports bra, almost spiking them into the hamper. Ripped the tights down your legs then your panties and socks, they were also forcibly thrown in with the other dirty clothes. You spared a moment to grab an outfit before heading to the bathroom to shower, slamming the door behind you.

Why were you so mad now? You just had a lot going through your head and you weren’t sure how to deal with it. You felt as if you were a rubber band being puled and the tension was almost too much, you were going to snap at any moment. You stepped under the warm stream of water, letting the water roll off you and the anger rolled off right along with it. You rolled your neck, loosing up the muscles there, one of your hands lightly squeezing to relive some pressure.

That’s when an idea popped into your head, making you bite your lip. Your hand slid from the back of your neck to your collar bone, drifting downward, over the swell of your breast. Your breathe hitched, it had been so long since you had done this, but you were so full of tension. So sexually pent up that you had basically dry humped Bucky earlier. You needed the relief.

Your hand kept drifting lower and lower, dipping into your folds only briefly, you let out a shuddering breath. Your legs spread a bit more as you teased yourself, why hadn’t you done this sooner? You rubbed with a bit more pressure, right where you needed it and let out a breathy moan.

“Y/N, we need to talk.” Bucky’s voice sounded out from the other side of your bathroom door with an urgent knock.

You nearly screamed, from being frightened by his presence but also at the fact that you were close, so close to the relief you needed.

“Give me a minute!” You answered gruffly, and a disappointed sigh left your lips, another time then.

You quickly washed and conditioned your hair, washed your body, your entire routine just doing everything as fast as possible. You dried your self off with a fluffy towel, throwing your clothing on before you started to towel dry your hair. You opened up the door to find Bucky sitting on the edge of your bed, leg bouncing up and down, body tense, from who knows what.

You weren’t really sure what to say, but you wanted to talk before he got the chance to bring everything up, you decided to bite the bullet and just let it all out.

“Look Bucky,” his eyes cut to you, and your breath hitched at the intensity in his eyes, but you didn’t let it stop you. “I’m sorry about what happened in the gym earlier, I know that I made you uncomfortable and I never ever intended to make you feel that type of way. Can we just chalk it up to what it was and move on? I just haven’t been  _touched_ , in that type of way, if you know what I mean, in a really long time. Well maybe not that long ago,but the last time some one touched me I have no memory of it I guess so it doesn’t count anyways.” You rambled on, not really thinking of what you said.

Bucky’s intense stare softened, “What do you mean the last time someone touched you like that you have no memory of it?”

“Oh-uh. Just stuff with my past is all.” Your answer was lame but it was because you instantly realized your mistake.

“Y/N, tell me what happened.” Bucky stood and made his way over to you, his gaze was soft but his jaw was clicking, working over drive. He hadn’t even heard what you had to say yet but he was fuming at what you were indicating.

You closed your eyes, breathing out and in through your nose, telling yourself it would be okay. You could tell him, right? You could trust Bucky, he wouldn’t look at you poorly. After all, you can’t exactly help what happened to you before.

“You really wanna know what happened to me, Buck?” You asked quietly.

“Yes, if you’re willing to tell me. It’s been eating at me to know that something awful happened to you, bad enough to give you those nightmares. I never wanted to press you.” Bucky decided to do something he had never done before, he reached for your hands and cradled them in his. The cybernetic thumb and flesh one softly rubbing the back of your hands the same.

You nodded at him, “I’m just going to spit it all out and then I can answer your questions and go into details. Okay?” Your voice was still quiet.

“Of course, doll. Whatever you’re comfortable with.” Bucky kept his tone even and sure, he didn’t want to seem like he was pushing you. He just wanted to be here for you.

“I was kidnapped like 5 years ago, given some sort of biochemical enhancement to slow my aging and make me healthier, brain washed to forget my past life, trained to fight and be a spy, then forced to marry a man so I could find out information on him for my captors. And I remember next to none of it.”


	5. Chapter 5

Bucky’s expression for the next couple of moments was almost comical, if the reason for the look wasn’t the fact that you had just told him about your past. Then his face changed a few times, the words you said finally circling his head enough for him to make sense of everything. Then he was filled with anger, you watched him pace the room a bit before stopping suddenly and his eyes fell on yours with a sad look to them. You couldn’t bare the look he was giving you, you were ready to hear out his questions.

“Do you have any questions?” You were hoping to speed this whole ordeal on a bit more.

“I have a thousand questions,” Bucky made his way over to you, hand on your lower back and guiding you to the bed, so you could sit together. “You said you don’t remember most of it?” Bucky decided this was a good place to start.

You both sat on the bed, thighs a couple of inches apart. Bucky’s palms were flat on the bed and your hands with in your lap, constantly twirling your ring, posing as a distraction.

“When they brought me back here, I guess I was still out of it. Steve brought Wanda to me to clear my head some, to bring me out of the brainwashing I guess. It happened kind of gradually over the next few days and the memories of what I’d done.. What had happened to me.. Wanda saw everything and asked if I wanted to remember. I told her no, so she removed what she could and I’m forever grateful to her for that.”

You eyed his hand, it was so close to your thigh, just holding on to the blanket of your bed. You reached for Bucky’s hand, you just wanted his touch. About halfway into reaching for him you remembered his thing with being touched, if he initiated the touch he was normally fine with it but you hadn’t really tried first since his reaction after the first time. Bucky noticed your hesitation, it hurt his heart, here you were reliving the awful stuff that had happened to you and you were still worried about him being comfortable.

“Hey, I’m here.” Bucky slowly reached out for your hand, softly he slipped his large palm into yours, then intertwined your fingers.

Your eyes were mesmerized by his soft, gentle movements. You felt your heart beat heavily in your chest, you felt something for this man and the thought of it sent a pang to your chest. Your eyes slowly slid up his arm, stopping when they met his beautiful steel blue orbs. He pulled your joined hands to his lap, allowing them to rest on his thigh.

“Wanda helped me too, you know?” Bucky never really delved into his past much, he’s had time to deal and cope in his own way. One of those ways was not talking about what he had to do to get to the point he was at now.

“No, I didn’t know that.” You shook your head, a bit taken back by the admission from him.

“You were taken 5 years ago?” Bucky brought the conversation back to you.

“Mm yeah, roughly. Kind of silly now that I think about it, I was dating this guy a while and things ended badly. I wanted to just get away, so I got a one-way plane ticket to the first place out. I don’t even remember where to anymore honestly, some where in Europe? Doesn’t matter I guess, I was only there a day or two before it happened. I think. Wanda tried to pull some of my memories from before the brainwashing but I told her not to worry about it too much. The past is the past after all.” You felt him squeeze your hand a bit.

“The past is the past, I like that.” You brought your eyes up to his, he was so understanding and honestly you started feeling like you should have just told him about all of this earlier, no point in letting it have so much reign on your life now.

“Steve was the one that found me, apparently I was bound to a table, drugged all to hell, they were making sure I told them every single detail of the life I had led with.. well whoever it was. The guy they needed information on. The one I married.” Bucky’s hand squeezed yours against, but not to comfort you but because it angered him to no end, he was trying to keep feelings suppressed for you though.

“And this guy and you…” He was insinuating, you couldn’t look at him anymore.

“I have flashbacks of being naked in bed with him, I can’t see his face but I know that we were naked in bed together. Guess that means we did was married people do, huh?” Your face held a small smile, you were grateful you didn’t really remember anything. It’s a lot easier to pretend something didn’t happen if you can’t even remember it.

“I’ll kill him.” The words left Bucky’s mouth before he even realized what he was saying.

You couldn’t help but let out a dry chuckle, “Beat you to it.” You brought your eyes up to his, looking through your lashes.

Bucky wasn’t expecting you to say that, he felt even worse about his outburst. He knew what it was like to kill for someone else, for someone to take over your mind and make you take the life of another. He wanted to share his past with you, to comfort you, but how would knowing the extent of a monster he was help you?

“Mission was over, I guess. So they had me kill him to tie off any loose ends, I remember his lifeless body laying in the bed,” You reflected on the hazy memory. “It’s so weird, I remember things about him. His voice, how we met, but I can’t place his face,” You held a blank expression on your face, unsure how admitting these things out loud made you feel. “At least he was the only one, Steve found me before the even started the process over again.”

“I’m sorry they did that to you, doll,” Bucky adjusted himself, moving so he was a bit closer to you, thighs touching now. As odd as it may seem Bucky felt the need to touch you as much as he felt like you needed him to comfort you at the moment.

Your soft eyes fell back to his face, “These people weren’t HYDRA or anything like that,” you knew that Bucky had been brainwashed, taken, forced to do unimaginable things for HYDRA and you didn’t want to stir up his past by talking about yours.”What I’ve gathered, from what Steve has told me since their base was taken down, they were some Red Room copy cats, wanted to make their own brand of spy. They came up with some form of biochemical to inject into me, to keep us younger and healthier for longer. So I could work for them longer, maybe? I guess.” You shrugged your shoulders, you weren’t sure what else to say really.

“You remember what they taught you about fighting and being a spy though?” Bucky didn’t like the fact they had changed your biological make up, they just had to attempt to ruin every part of you. Somehow through it all you were the most beautiful, lovely, full of life person he had ever met.

“I think it’s more of muscle memory than anything, if that makes sense?”

Bucky nodded, he understood exactly. “We don’t have to talk about this anymore if you don’t want to.” Bucky knew better than anybody to never push someone to talk about their traumatic past.

“I should have talked to you about this sooner, but yeah I’m done talking about this for now. I’m not letting this shit define me or dictate my life now,” You felt light, lighter than you had in a very long time. You were sure that you’d eventually talk more and more about your past with him, there was no sense in rushing it. Same as you found out more and more about him as time went on.

“I’m glad you know a bit more about my past though. You have been so great to me Buck,” Your thumb brushed the back of his hand, and you pulled his hand to your lap as you moved to sit cross legged, facing him full on. “You’ve anchored me to this world these past few weeks. I wasn’t sure I was going to make it. I had lost so much of my life, so much was taken from me, and I can’t change what they did to me. Through all that awful though, something great was given to me.” Your eyes shined brightly at him.

Bucky was a bit taken back, unsure of what to say, “I just wanted to be there for you doll.” And it was true, he did want to be for you then, he still does. Bucky had felt a pull to you from the moment he met you.

“Yeah, I know Buck,” You bit your lip briefly before your next statement. “You’re the best guy I’ve ever met.” You smiled shyly at him as you confessed.

Bucky had been called many things over the years, he had done so many unimaginable things, things that if you knew about maybe you wouldn’t feel how you do about him here and now. He knew and grasped that most of what he had done wasn’t by his bidding, but it didn’t stop his thoughts from running haywire right now. You deserved a wonderful, full life of happiness, but you were already brought down by so much, why would he add himself to that?

You watched him go down some time of hole and you panicked, not because of your past or the fact you just laid it or all for him, or even admitting what you think of him, but because you knew what was coming next. Unrequited feelings. You knew he had felt bad on that first day for calling you ‘some girl’, or he felt bad about how you reacted. He probably pitied you for having nothing, you were spiraling now. Then he had stumbled on you during that night, screaming because of the nightmare, developing a friendship between the two of you. It was that, just that, a friendship and you had to remember that.

“You’re a good friend, Buck.” You added quickly, hoping it would mask any previous undertones. You slipped your hand from his, then patted his thigh in a soft and friendly manner. The movement finally pulled Bucky out of his thoughts.

“Are we good?” You asked, hopefully not sounding as pathetic as you felt.

Bucky’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “Why wouldn’t we be good?”

“Well, ya know… earlier in the gym.” You were embarrassed to talk about it again, but you wanted to make sure you hadn’t done anything to hurt your friendship with him.

“Oh-” Bucky had forgotten why he had even came to your room in the first place, the admission you’d made of being touched and not remembering through Bucky down a spiral and he had to know what had happened to you.

“I’m so sorry about that again, believe me, if you could feel how embarrassed I am about the whole thing, God,” You let out a dry laugh. “I know we are just friends, my body just reacted to the feel of you under me.” Your eyes widened, why did you say that?

Bucky’s cheeks were tinged with pink and you wanted to run away. Sadly you were in your room, with no where to go.

“Oh my god,” You didn’t even know what to do besides let your face fall into your hands. You decided to not say anything else, worried about digging yourself a bigger hole.

“Hey,” Bucky’s hands were on your thighs, trying to coax you into calming down. “Would it make you feel better if you knew how many times I have thought about doing much worse to you while you’re pinned under me?”

That caused your breath to hitch, did he really just say that? Surely you were hallucinating, “What?” You asked as your pulled your face from your hands.

“You heard me Y/N.” Bucky’s voice was deep and steady, he knew what he said and he also knew that you had heard him.

Your hands dumbly fell into your lap, his hands on your thighs ever present in your mind, “Bucky-” You began.

“Sergeant Barnes, your presence has been requested to the common area, it’s urgent.” F.R.I.D.A.Y. rang out, the AI startled you.

Your eyes held Bucky’s icy glare, shrinking under the intensity of it. He waited a few seconds before responding, “On my way.”

“We’ll talk later, okay?” Bucky pulled his hands from your thighs, you groaned at the loss of heat, the loss of him.

“Yeah, okay.” You sighed.

Without another word Bucky left your room, closing the door behind him. Leaving you to your thoughts. What the hell just happened?


	6. Chapter 6

That ‘Let’s talk later’, turned into a whole lot later. Apparently there was something that had happened that required most of The Avengers to load up and out, the reason Thor had come to the tower in the first place. You didn’t ask many questions, well there wasn’t really anyone to ask. One peculiar thing did start to happen though, after the team being gone a couple of days Pepper popped up as you were leaving the gym, to ask if you wanted to grab some lunch with her. You had declined, she didn’t seem to mind, almost as if she expected it, but that didn’t stop her from trying again in a couple more days. You told her you weren’t feeling well, “Maybe in a few days?” You said.

That’s exactly what she did, Bucky had been gone 9 days when she asked again. You felt the weight of her stare on you, she seemed sweet and genuine, what could it hurt? At some point you’d have to accept this is your life and stop spending all your time in your room or at the gym.

So here you were, at some little Thai restaurant that Pepper loved. You wondered if she knew this was the first time you’d left the tower since you first arrived, she probably did seeing as she was with Tony and he seemed to know everything.

“Thank you for inviting me out for lunch. Feels nice to seem normal for once.” Your fork was scooping up another bite of the Kao Phad in front of you, it had been one of your favorites from before, or so you thought.

Pepper smiled at your from across the table, “Of course, Y/N. I’m glad you agreed, I get so tired of being in that tower all the time just working. Especially when everyone’s gone, all work no fun.” She took another bite of her dish, some kind of curry.

“How has everything been, Tony asked me to give you some space but I’ve been wanting to get to know you better. Ask simple things like, do you enjoy your room? What about the clothes I got for you? I’ve been worried about you not liking any of it and just enduring it for the sake of not wanting to seem ungrateful.” She was being honest, she knew what happened to you. Could only imagine your head space and she wanted to make your room as comfortable for you when she had heard you’d be coming back to the tower to stay.

So that’s how everything was so perfect, you should have known there had been a woman’s touch. You gave a warm smile and your heart softened at the very put together woman. Out of all the things for her to worry about, she was worried about you liking your room and clothes.

“Everything is perfect, more than perfect. Clothes are my style and just my size. How did you do that?” You asked with a laugh.

“Just a lucky guess,” Her laugh mingled with yours. “I’m glad though, you ever want to go shopping or anything you just let me know, okay?”

“Okay, I’ll be sure to do that.” You felt comfortable around Pepper, you could see yourself being friends with her.

You two quietly ate more of your lunch, just light conversation here and there until you had a question you couldn’t hold back anymore.

“Have you heard another, ya know, about the mission? Are they all okay?” You nibbled your bottom lip nervously, you were trying to be indiscreet, but apparently it didn’t work.

“Are you really asking about all of them? Or just one specific person?” She gave you a knowing look paired with a smile.

“Well of course I mean all of them,” You deeply inhaled, you could confide in her, trust her, so you did just that. “But I do mean just one specific person.” You were holding your breathe waiting for her response.

“I’m actually quite surprised you came out and said it,” Pepper shook her head with a laugh. “Tony mentioned you’d been spending quite a lot of time with Bucky. Middle of the night work out sessions, that I’m assuming no one else knows about?” She questioned.

You nodded your head in the affirmative, “I uh- have nightmares sometimes, Bucky has been great about it. Helps me through them and we sometimes go down to the gym while everyone else sleeps. That’s okay right?” You hadn’t even thought about the fact that maybe it wasn’t okay to just use the gym whenever you pleased.

“Don’t be silly, of course you’re free to use it whenever and don’t worry your secret is safe with me.” Pepper waved down the waitress to pay for your meal, you felt awkward about it but seeing as you had no money you decided to let it go.

“But yes, they are all okay, I spoke to Tony earlier today and I think it’s cute, he doesn’t really talk to anyone either. It’s nice that you two have each other.” Pepper was being honest with you, just as she had been the entire lunch.

Your felt your cheeks heat up anyways, “Thanks. For everything, lunch, the clothes, being nice to me, just everything.” You slightly changed the subject.

“Anything for you Y/N,” Pepper’s hand came out to rest on yours, reassuring you. “You’re one of us now.

* * *

“Miss Y/N, the quinjet just landed. Would you like for me to notify the team that you’ve been waiting?” F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice rang out.

“No! Please don’t do that.” That was the last thing you needed, for them to all know you’ve been asking to be notified when they arrive.

“Of course Miss Y/N, anything else?” The AI inquired.

“No, thank you F.R.I.D.A.Y.”

Pepper had given you a heads up that today was the day they would be returning and your body was thrumming with nervous energy. Two weeks he’d been gone, two weeks of your mind going crazy with thoughts of him, two weeks of  _missing him_ more than anything else. Bucky had become a huge part of your life and you felt for him in a way that you probably shouldn’t for just knowing the man for a few weeks, but that didn’t stop the feelings from being true.

You weren’t exactly sure what happened around here after missions, did they all just go their separate ways? Did they have to debrief or something to divulge into everything that happened on the mission? Would Bucky even want to see you after a two week long mission? He was probably exhausted, you didn’t know fully what the mission entailed. You sighed and ran a hand through your hair, deciding to stop the worrying and busy yourself doing anything else.

Your eyes went to the glass door that led from your room to the balcony, you’d never been out there, but it was kind of rainy out and the dreariness drew you in. You snagged a sweater and threw it on, you grabbed the book you’d been reading and made your way to the padded little couch that you had never used before and sat.

You made it a couple chapters when you had a perfect idea, hot tea! After deciding that you wanted hot tea you headed back inside and sat your book down, being sure to save your spot before heading out the door to your room. Your bare feet padded through the hallway, down to the shared kitchen of the tower, you knew there had to be hot tea somewhere. You filled the kettle with water before sitting it on the stove to boil it, then you went through a couple cupboards before finding what you were looking for.

“Yes!” You exclaimed quietly to yourself then looking around to make sure you were still alone, and you were so no need to be embarrassed by your outburst.

You browsed through the selection before deciding on a ginger peach tea, right as the kettle started whistling, signaling the water was ready. You pulled it from the burner and turned to back to the cupboards to find a mug.

“Makin’ some tea?”

Your head spun quickly towards the person responsible, you were just alone and the sudden voice startled you.

“Jesus, you scared me.” Your hand covered your heart as you evened your breathing.

“Sorry doll, didn’t mean to scare ya.” Bucky’s hand nervously ran through his hair.

You finally recovered and your eyes met, and your breathing just about stopped. It was like the first time you ever looked at him all over again, you weren’t prepared for his icy gaze, you never were. You stood there like a deer in headlights as you watched him walk towards you, he only stopped when he was right in front of you. Your eyes fluttered shut and you breathed in his scent, you missed him so much.

“Mind if I make a cup?” Bucky didn’t wait for your answer before reaching past you and snagging two mugs for you both.

“Oh uh- sure. Of course,” You did your best to recover and hoped you weren’t being too obvious. “I’m having ginger peach, you want that or something else? I think I saw black or earl grey if that’s more of what you want. ” You went to head to the cupboard with tea but Bucky stopped you.

“Whatever you’re having is fine.” You glanced at him and he held a soft smile, he wasn’t at all what you’d expect after a two week long mission.

You didn’t respond, you just plopped a tea bag in each cup and poured the boiling water over, letting them step.

“Everything go okay?” You broke the silence, kind of wanting to make sure he was actually fine.

“Yeah, it was kind of lame for a mission. They can sometimes get real crazy. Why you worry about me?” Bucky teased you, making you blush. Apparently you were being obvious.

“Well I just didn’t wanna have to go make a new friend is all, kinda like the one I got.” You didn’t dare meet his eyes, you busied yourself by finding a spoon to stir the tea before pulling bags out and throwing them away.

Bucky grinned at your even though you refused to look at him, “Kinda like you too, doll.”

“Here’s your tea.” You basically shoved the mug full of boiling liquid at him, luckily it didn’t spill out.

“What have you been up to?” Bucky brought the mug to his lips, blowing lightly and such a simple things shouldn’t have made your heart speed up but of course it did.

“Not much, I was just sitting out on my balcony and reading. Super exciting stuff.” You joked with him.

“Mind if I join you?” Bucky didn’t want to push, but he wanted to be around you.

“Of course not, Buck.” You answered honestly, you had missed him so much after all.

He softly took your mug from your hand and gestured down the hallway, “After you.”

You giggled, ever the gentleman Bucky was. You went down the hall, holding the door open for him to slide in before shutting it behind him.

“There are lots of books on that shelf, if you wanna get something to read.” You gestured to the tall shelf full of books, it had been filled with them when you got here and you were trying to take time to read most of them.

“I’m okay, just going to sit. I think.” You crinkled your brow but didn’t say anything, just snatched up your book and headed back outside.

It had started to thunder a bit, but you loved it. Gloomy weather was always your thing, you knew that for certain.

You sat at on the couch and patted for Bucky to join you and he did after handing you your mug of tea. You accepted it and took a sip, it was perfect. Bucky took a sip of his and nodded his head, guess he approved too. You waited for him to say something but he never did, so you picked up your book and began reading. You had gotten quite tied up in the story, sipping your tea every so often, you lost sense of time, unsure how long you’d been reading.

You only stopped once you realized you cup was empty. “Oh,” You pouted before glancing to see if he was out of tea but he was already staring back at you. Almost as if he’d just been watching you read the whole time, surely that wasn’t the case.

Your gaze searched his features curiously. He watched as you looked him over for a while before he leaned to grab you empty mug, sitting it down on the patio table before softly taking your book and placing the bookmark in it and sat it down by the empty mugs. Then after sitting back, he turned himself to you slightly.  

“You’re beautiful,” Bucky’s hand reached for your and you let him take them. “I could just sit and watch you all day.” Bucky’s voice was light as could be and his words made you feel like you were floating.

“Thank you,” It came out barely a whisper, you were unsure what to say.

Bucky’s thumbs caressed the back of your hands, soothing your nerves unbeknownst to him. You relished in the touched, you loved how soft and sweet he always was, the most gentle man you’d ever met.

“While I was on the mission, you know that you were all I could think about?” Bucky had made the decision to be honest with you when he came back.

Bucky had many conversations with Steve while they were away, about how he didn’t deserve you and about how you to pure for someone as broken as him. Steve made him see the fact that maybe you deserved to make that decision, that it was ridiculous to assume that he didn’t deserve happiness like everyone else. Steve wanted nothing more in this world than for Bucky to be happy and he was almost certain that Bucky hadn’t been as happy as he is around you almost ever. You had been through so much and Bucky didn’t want to add to your pain or unhappiness, so he was going to stay away. Steve got him see the truth, that he would do everything in his power so you would never feel pain ever again.

“I missed you so damn much, sweetheart.” Bucky’s admission made you smile softly at him.

“I missed you too Buck,” His sweet words spurring yours, “There wasn’t a day that went by that I wasn’t worried about you.”

Bucky beamed at you, “You don’t gotta worry about me, doll.”

“Yeah I know, but I still did.” You felt kind of silly, but you didn’t know what you’d do if something happened to him.

“I thought a lot about a lot of stuff, a lot of stuff y’know regarding you and I, and well I don’t even really know how or what to say,” Bucky’s voice was unsure, for the first time all evening. “I just really thought this would be easier you know, me telling you how I feel and-”

You cut him off, “Shut up and kiss me Bucky Barnes.”


	7. Chapter 7

_“Shut up and kiss me Bucky Barnes.”_  The words fell from your mouth before you thought twice about it.

Bucky was a bit taken back by your words, eyes searching yours to make sure he wasn’t imagining you’d said it. But your eyes shone bright towards him, his eyes flicked down as your tongue darted out briefly, like you were moistening your lips. He for sure wasn’t imagining it. Bucky brought his hand up to your face, cradling it as he leaning in towards you. You were so excited by him making the move you leaned in too, a little too much, making your nose bump his face awkwardly. Bucky and you laughed a bit before he took charge, both hands on your face now, placing his soft pink lips on yours. It was better than you’d ever imagined, his lips molded to yours perfectly and you melted into the kiss.

Bucky’s tongue softly touched your lips, as if asking for permission in. Without a second thought you parted your lips, allowing his tongue to invade your mouth. Bucky let out a growl then wrapped his arms around you, tugging you on top of him You spread your legs as you straddled him, hips flush with his. The kiss was heated, your hands in his hair, his hands on your hips, a tight grip on your hips that probably would leave bruises. You let out a soft moan, making Bucky pull back all of a sudden.

“Wow..” You brought a hand up to brush against your bottom lip. Your eyes searched his, gauging his reaction. You took the opportunity to revel in the best first kiss you’d ever had. Although you didn’t have all of your memories you could know that had to have been the best, for sure.

He seemed perplexed and honestly he was hard to read. You smiled brightly at him, happy that you had left him just as speechless as you felt. Then a beat or two passed, his face unchanging, unresponsive to your actions after the kiss. Your eyes were frantic as you  searched his face for something, anything at all. Then it hit you like a freight train, he regretted it, wish he wouldn’t have crossed that line with you. But you had pushed, thinking it was what he wanted, just thinking he needed a small shove in the right direction.

“I’m sorry..” You gasped out. Bucky had been confused with his feelings towards you and clearly he didn’t feel confused anymore, just certain of one thing. He didn’t want you.

“I shouldn’t have pushed you to kiss me, I-I just misread things.” You slid off his lap and stood nervously on shaky legs. Then a particular loud thunder happened making you flinch, it jolted Bucky out of his thoughts too.

He watched your frantic movements, as you snatched up the handles of the mugs in one hand, the panic on your features was obvious. “Y/N..” He began, reaching out for you but you pulled yourself back. You couldn’t do this, not now.. Probably not ever. You couldn’t handle the rejection.

“It’s okay, Buck.” You gave him a tight lipped smile.

“Sweetheart,” Bucky started, but before he got another word out you hurried in your room through the glass door and out the door to your bedroom. You were heading to the kitchen to wash the mugs, anything to get away from him for the moment.

When you reached the kitchen, you were bleary eyed and felt like you were floating outside of your body. You washed the mugs in the sink, by muscle memory more than anything, when you were done with the first you sat it to the right to dry before starting on the other.

“You know you don’t have to wash dishes right?”

The sudden voice startling you, making the mug in your hand slip. It landed in the sink with a loud clashing sound, breaking on impact. You quickly tried to snag up the broken pieces, not paying attention as your fingers brushed a particularly sharp piece, slicing you open.

“Shit,” You muttered to yourself.

“You okay?” You recognized the voice, it was Sam. He was by your side in just a few strides, taking your hand in his

“Fine,” You replied softly. You watched as more blood rose to the surface, the cut wasn’t deep but the amount of blood was a bit excessive.

“Want me to get Bruce? Might need a stitch or two.” Sam surveyed the damage.

“It’ll heal quick, I’ll be fine.” You reached for some paper towels to wrap your finger in for now, but you knew one of the effects of the biochemical you’d been given was quick healing, not since in bothering anyone over it.

“Y/N, what happened? Are you okay?” It was Bucky’s voice now, he spoke from the hallway before he bee-lined right for you.

You closed your eyes and let out a shaky breath, your heard as his feet approached you. Felt as he took your hand in his metal one, then grabbed the napkins from you to stop the bleeding.

“What happened?” He all but growled out at Sam.

“Hey big guy, calm down. I didn’t do it.” Sam held his hands up defensively.

“I just accidentally dropped one of the mugs and cut myself, I’m fine.” You went to pull your hand back from Bucky, but his metal hand was holding firm on your wrist.

Your eyes slowly opened, meeting his soft blue ones. You didn’t mean to but you felt one single tear slip out and down your cheek, it wasn’t there for long. You used the back of your other hand to quickly wipe it away.

“Sam, can you give us a minute?” Bucky’s voice was soft, although he wasn’t speaking to you, he wasn’t willing to upset you anymore.

“You good Y/N?” Sam asked, voice full of concern.

You gave him a tight lipped smile, you appreciated that he was worried about you. “Yes, thank you Sam. Don’t worry about me.” You didn’t miss how Bucky’s jaw ticked, clearly aggravated by Sam’s question.

You looked at Sam, nodding and without another word Sam headed down the hallway, grabbing an apple off the counter on his way. You tugged your hand back again, this time Bucky let you go. You grabbed the paper towel wrapped finger, applying pressure.

”I’m sorry,” Bucky started. “Let me explain, okay? Let’s just go back to your room and talk.” Bucky’s eyes searched your face, hoping you would just look at him, but your eyes were anywhere else but his.

“Why?” Your eyes were staring out one of the windows that was on the far side of the room, watching as the rain poured down. “I understand Bucky, you don’t have to explain anything.” You had made up your mind already, you weren’t even sure you were up for whatever he had to say.

“I don’t know what you think just happened, but that kiss. It was- it was incredible Y/N,” Bucky admitted.

Your eyes met his then, “What?” You held a confused expression on your features.

“Please let’s just go to your room and talk?” Bucky pleaded with you.

“Y-yeah, okay.” You agreed. You pulled the paper towels from your finger, noting that your finger wasn’t bleeding anymore. You tossed the bloodied paper towels to the bin, and went to the sink to grab the broken mug from the sink.

”Let me get it, head to your room and I’ll be there in a minute, okay?” He noticed your shaky hands, really didn’t want you cutting yourself again.

You wanted to argue, you could pick up your own mess but you turned to head to your room anyways. Once there you just sat softly at the edge of your bed, waiting for Bucky. You tried to keep your thoughts from running wild, but it was hard. A few minutes had passed when you heard a small tap on your door, making you roll your eyes.

“Come in Buck.” He knew you were waiting on him, but yet he still had to knock. Why did he have to be so cute all of the time?

Bucky entered your room, shoulders slumped, looking more like he was to tell you bad news than anything else. You held his eyes a while, then he pulled his steel gaze from you and it landed at the floor by your feet. He didn’t say anything and the silence was unbearable.

“Please say something.” You encouraged him to begin.

Bucky let out a loud breath, like he had maybe been holding it in before he began. “For the first time in a long time, when I kissed you, I felt unrestrained. Like anything could happen,” He started to pace back and forth in front of you. “ And that definitely cannot happen Y/N. I have to stay in control, especially when I’m around you. You don’t understand, you don’t know the things that I’ve done.” Bucky sounded broken, your heart hurt for him.

“Would you ever hurt me?” Your hand reached out for his wrist, grabbing a hold of the metal one making him stop pacing.

”What? No, of course I wouldn’t.” Bucky would never let anything bad to you, especially if he had anything to do with it.

“Then what are you so afraid of?” You gave his wrist a tug, making his eyes meet yours finally. “I’m not scared of you Bucky, I never have been. You are the most soft and gentle man I’ve ever met, you don’t judge me for my past. And you’re right, I don’t know everything you’ve done but that’s okay. I don’t need to know, all I know is that no one holds you accountable, what happened to you Bucky, what they did to you isn’t on you. The past is the past remember?” You stood slowly, wrapping your arms around his waist in a hug.

“I don’t want you to hold yourself back when you are around me,” You spoke into his neck. “I want you to be you, all of the time.” You punctuated your statement by placing a small kiss to his neck.

Bucky let out a breathy moan, “Y/N-” He started.

“Do you want me Bucky?” You spoke lightly, words hopeful.

Bucky closed his eyes, “Yes- shit, yes more than anything.” He admitted.

You pulled back, Bucky looked down at you. Lips slightly spread, eyes full of emotion, like he was waging a war within himself. Trying to convince himself to stop this, like somehow that would be better than continuing.

“I want you too Bucky.” You gave him a small smile, Bucky couldn’t help but return it. “Wanna at least try?” You slid your arms from around his waist, hands moving up his abs, over his chest, eyes light the entire time.

Bucky’s smile still present as ever on his face. “Okay,” He answered quietly.

“Okay?” You smiled brightly at him.

Bucky didn’t respond, instead his lips fell to yours in another kiss, you gladly returned this kiss, hoping to convey all of the emotions that you were feeling. Your hands tangled into the front of his shirt, tugging him closer to you. His arms wrapped around your waist, he stopped worrying or over-thinking, just did what his body wanted him to do. He softly guided you backwards, until the back of your legs hit the edge of your bed.

One of his hands went to your lower back as he lowered you down to the bed, he helped you scoot up the bed. Crawling over the top of you, never breaking the kiss. He used his metal arm to hold himself up, the right hand tangling into the hair at the nape of your neck. You weren’t as controlled as he was, your hands roamed his body, loving the feel of him under your finger tips. You loved the groan he did when you tugged on his hair, or the low sigh he released when your finger tips brushed down his back, under the shirt.

“Go on a date with me?” Bucky broke the kiss.

“What?” You let out with a laugh.

“Go out on a date with me, let me do this as properly as I can. Please?” He was giving you the greatest pair of puppy dogs eyes you’d ever seen, like there was even a chance you’d say no.

”Of course, I’d love that Buck.” You used a hand to brush some of his hair back behind his ear.

Bucky grinned down at you, “Anything that you’re opposed to doing?”

You thought for a moment, but couldn’t think of anything, “I’m up for whatever. I can’t think of anything that wouldn’t be fun with you.”

Bucky’s cheeks tinged with pink, “Okay, I have the perfect idea. Tonight?” Bucky didn’t want to seem overly eager, but who was he lying to? He was overly eager.

“You been planning something that I don’t know about?” You eyed him curiously.

“Nothing like that doll, I just can’t wait to treat you how you deserve.” He kissed the tip of your nose, then placed a small kiss on your lips. You tried to deepen the kiss but Bucky pulled back and stood from the bed.

“Sorry sweetheart, I’ve got to get ready for tonight. How does 7 sound?” Bucky seemed different, almost younger than he normally acted around you.

“7 is perfect, promise me there will be another make-out session since you are ending ours early,” You whined, not ready for him to leave you yet.

Bucky let out a low laugh, “Anything you want doll.” Bucky sent a wink at you before heading out of your room.

“Wait!” You called out while he was in the door way, making him turn to you. “What do I need to wear?” You wanted to make sure you dressed appropriately.

“What you want sweetheart, you’ll look perfect no matter what.” Now your cheeks heated up.

”I mean, do I need to dress up or something casual?” You asked.

“Casual, semi-comfy. Don’t worry too much about it, doll. I’ll be back at 7, doll.” Bucky didn’t wait for your response before he left.

‘Well that was super helpful’, you thought to yourself. Glancing at your clock you noted it was a bit past 4, so you decided to go ahead and shower to start getting ready for your date. You couldn’t remember a time you’d been happier or more excited for something before, you couldn’t wait for your date night with Bucky.


	8. Chapter 8

It was 6:55, you were standing at your full length mirror taking one last look over at yourself. You decided to actually listen to Bucky and dress semi-comfy. You were wearing a long sleeved shirt, it was striped and had brown patches on the elbows, it was long enough for you to wear tights, hence the comfy part. You paired the look with some brown boots, it was raining outside after all. Your hair was down, you had let it air dry so it was in waves. You had done some make-up, leaving out the lipstick, a very make-out approved look. You heard the tap at the door, soft and barely there, like Bucky always knocked.

You walked to the door opening it slowly, “Hi.” You whispered. Why were you nervous now?

“Hey doll, you look beautiful.” Bucky grinned at you. You blushed, leaning in to meet him for a small kiss. You pulled back to take him in, hair in a bun at the nape of his neck, wearing a grey t-shirt, low slung blue jeans but more importantly you noticed his bare feet.

“Bucky, where are your shoes?” You asked with a frown.

“Don’t need ‘em,” He chuckled, before holding his arm for you to loop yours at his elbow.

“Uh- okay?” You took the elbow and walked with him down the hallway.

You didn’t say anything else, just taking in his profile as you walked. He had grown a little bit of a beard, probably from not shaving too much on the mission and of course it made him look even more incredible. Bucky had come to an abrupt stop, making you stop as well. You were so caught up in him you didn’t realize you were at your destination, Bucky’s room. You’d never been in his room before, is this where the date was happening? He paused a moment, hand reaching for his doorknob, chancing a glance back at you and he looked  _nervous_. You gave the bicep of the arm looped with yours a small, reassuring squeeze with your free hand, and it was all he needed to open the door.

He ushered you in as he followed behind you, waiting for your reaction. You took in his room, well it was more like an apartment, way bigger than your room. There was a kitchenette area, a living area and down the hallway there were 2 doors. Everything was neutral and very tidy, not a lot of decorations but it seemed to suite him so well. There was a decent sized tv in the living space with a matching navy couch and love seat, with end tables at both and a coffee table. You noted the fuzzy blankets on the couch and some DVDs scattered along the coffee table.

“We’re having a movie night?” You turned your head to grin at him.

His hand nervously rubbing the back of his neck as he spoke, “Yeah, and I made dinner.”

“You made us dinner?” Your heart was about to jump out of your body, why was he so perfect?

Bucky passed you to the kitchen, stirring the pot on the stove. “It isn’t much, just some recipe my ma taught me when I was younger. Well it’s something she used to make for us and I found this recipe on the internet.” He answered shyly.

You felt tears prickling your eyes, he had never mentioned his mom to you before, or his life from before the war at all. He was opening up to you, letting you into his life and that meant the world to you. You kicked your boots off, shedding the socks as well and placing them into your boots and sat them by the door. Your bare feet on the soft carpet then the cool linoleum of the kitchen as you made your way over to him. You wrapped your arms around his waist as he stood at the stove. Nuzzling into his back as you hugged him.

“You’re amazing.” You gushed.

“Nah doll, you’re the amazing one.” Bucky turned himself so he was facing you, using the pads of his thumbs to softly brush your cheeks.

You stood there, maintaining eye contact with him, your eyes full of adoration and some would even say  _love._  You leaned up for a kiss, Bucky met you half way, catching your lips in his in a heated kiss. Things got a little out of hand very quickly, something on the stove started to sizzle and pop, reminding you both about dinner.

Bucky pulled back, cheeks pink, he adjusted himself some. The kiss clearly getting to him in more than one way, that made your cheeks warm up as well as made your thighs squeeze together. “It’s called Bratwurst Supper, ma always made it with whatever sausage and vegetables she could get her hands on.” He picked up the spoon stirring the pot once more before turning the heat off. “I don’t know if this will even be close to the same, but it’ll do.”

“It looks and smells amazing Bucky, I can’t believe you made this!” You beamed at him.

“I don’t know whether to be flattered or worried that you’re so excited about me cooking.” Bucky laughed.

“I don’t think anyone’s ever cooked for me is all,” Your eyes squinted, trying to remember if anyone had and you couldn’t think of a time where it had happened. “Just unexpected is all.”

Bucky reached for two bowls, spooning the meal into them for the both of you. There were potatoes, carrots, onions all mixed in with the sausage in perfect bite size pieces. It was a very rustic looking dish but it truly looked incredible.

“Well I’m glad that I get to be the first one to do this for you then,” Bucky smiled at you and in between filled the bowls placed a soft kiss to your cheek. “Why don’t you have a seat? Sorry I don’t have a real dinner table.. I don’t entertain often.” Bucky said with a shrug.

You let out a small giggle at him, “This is perfect Bucky.” You perched yourself on a stool at the island in the middle of the kitchen.

Bucky placed your bowl in front of you along with a napkin, then sat a fork and knife on top of that. Then doing the same for him at the stool next to you, only he didn’t sit. He made his way over to the fridge, stopping before he opened it.

”I got us wine.. if you want it. I wasn’t sure what you liked or well if you even liked wine,” Bucky explained himself with a worried tone. “Do you like wine?” His eyes turning to meet yours.

You let out another giggle, “Sure, I like wine. Whatever you want is fine with me.” He was so adorable.

“Well I can’t even get drunk,” Bucky explained. “So it’s really whatever you want.”

You hadn’t thought about that, “Well I wonder if I can get drunk? Never crossed my mind.” You knew that the serum that Bucky had been given and your biochemical were very different but it was a possibility.

Bucky felt awkward then, not wanting to make you think of your past or what happened to you. “White it is.” He added quickly, pulling the door of the fridge open and grabbing the wine bottle quickly. He sat the bottle on the counter and snagged up the never before used electric wine opener along with two wine glasses.

He sat down beside you, “Eat up.” He sent you a wink as he opened the bottle of wine to pour you both a glass.

You slowly picked up your fork, stabbing a sausage, bringing it to your mouth and taking a bite out of it. You couldn’t help the look of surprise over your features, it was delicious.

“Don’t look so surprised doll,” Bucky picked up his own fork and started on the dish himself.

You finished a perfectly cooked potato, carrot on your fork for the next bite. “This is so good.” You reached for your wine glass, taking a sip of the crisp white, noting it did suit the dish well.

“I’m glad you like it.” Bucky eyes held yours as he took a small sip of his wine.

Your eyes on his neck, as his head tilted back some, watching the bob of his throat as he swallowed. You flicked your gaze up to his, he held a smirk on his lips and you nervously turned your attention back to dinner. Conversation was light and easy as you ate, and you were realizing that maybe you could indeed get drunk. On your second glass of wine your head was swimming a bit more than normal, and by the time the food was gone you speaking a bit more freely with him than usual.

Bucky sat, watching and listening to you talk about any and everything you could think about. You were currently going on about something you’d read about recently and it wasn’t that Bucky didn’t care to listen he just was distracted by you being well,  _you_. The way your mouth turned up a bit when you were excited about what you were talking about, or how you moved your hands aimlessly when you explained things. He loved watching your lips as you spoke, every so often your tongue would dart out to rewet your lips and he without thinking would dart his own tongue out to wet his chapped lips as reaction. He could feel himself staring at them too long, but couldn’t will himself to look away.

“I’m talking too much aren’t I?” You worried. You noticed Bucky’s eyes on your mouth and the expression he held didn’t seem like he was paying too much attention to what you were saying. “Maybe I need to quit with the wine.” You giggled, pushing the mostly empty second glass from you.

Bucky shook his head, gathering himself. “No doll, I’m sorry, continue. I’m listening now, I just got distracted.”

“Distracted by what?” You smirked at him.

“Your mouth mostly,” He answered honestly with a shrug.

You were a bit taken back by that, “Oh yeah?” You nervously bit at your lower lip.

Bucky stood from the stool, grabbing your empty bowls to take them to the sink. “Yeah,” Bucky started. “Ready for the next part of the night?” He needed to get to the movie, cause right now all he wanted to do was take you to his bedroom but knew that wasn’t the right call.

“Oh uh- sure,” You muttered. You felt him shifting the conversation back to the date and less on the kissing but all you could think about was his mouth on yours.

Either way, you stood from the stool and made your way over to the couch, plopping down on the right side. You could hear water being ran from the sink so you decided to look over the DVDs on the coffee table. You didn’t recognize most of them, probably due to the brainwashing and the fact you knew next to nothing that had happened the past 5 years but you didn’t dwell on that too much.

“I didn’t know what to get so I just googled best movies from the past decade and got some of those to choose from,” Bucky explained from the side of the couch. You hadn’t even realized the water from the sink had stopped or heard him approach. ‘So much for all that spy training’, you thought.

“Maybe we could work our way through them all?” You smiled, eyes still downcast at the DVDs.

“I’d like that,” Bucky walked past you to sit to the left of you on the couch. “Want a blanket? Pepper said these were the best ones for movie nights on the couch.” Bucky held the super soft looking blanket in his metal hand, holding it out to you.

You couldn’t help the giggle from rising in your throat. “You asked Pepper about what blankets are best to cuddle with?”

Bucky’s eyes grew wide. “No- I mean, I just asked for some like- You know what? It doesn’t matter.” His arm that held the blanket lowered a bit.

“I’m just messing with you Buck, I’d love to cuddle you.” You took the blanket from his hand, fluttering it out over you and opening your arms for him to come to you.

“Shouldn’t I put a movie in first?” Bucky wanted nothing more than to dive into your arms but he didn’t.

“How about you just kiss me?” Emboldened by the wine maybe, but you didn’t want to watch a movie.

Bucky hesitated, he knew it wasn’t the 40’s anymore but he felt the urge to court you nonetheless. You deserved the entire process, and he was more than willing to do it for you. He wanted to prove to you just exactly what you meant to him. He had a plan for the night and skipping the movie wasn’t in that plan.

You noticed the hesitation, so you took matters into your own hands. You scooted along the couch to be loser to him, tossing the blanket over the legs of you both. You gently lifted his flesh arm, wrapping it around your waist, smiling when you felt his arm flex around you tighter. You wrapped an arm around his waist, almost in a hug before your fingers made their way up his chest. Feather light touch up his abs, over his thick chest, dipping lightly beneath his shirt to trace his collarbone. Your lips acted on their own, coming to brush against the underside of his jaw.

“Y/N..” Bucky could feel where this was heading, and honestly he felt more nervous in this moment than he’d ever remembered feeling. “If we go down this road, I won’t be able to stop.” He let out just above a whisper.

“Who said anything about stopping?” You question, pressing another kiss a little lower, below his neck.

Bucky placed his metal hand on your thigh, giving a soft squeeze. “I mean this will be it. It’ll be you and I from here on out doll.” Blue orbs searching yours, conveying all the emotion he was feeling.

You matched his gaze, his words maybe should have scared you, but they didn’t. You couldn’t imagine your life without Bucky in it, the idea was to painful to even humor with your thoughts. You knew that you two had only known each other a few months, barely shared more than a few kisses, and it was all so new but you knew this felt right.

“You promise?” Eyes flitting between his, full of adoration. “I want you Bucky..” Your voice was breathy. “We can talk about specifics later if you want but for now,” You brought your lips to his, making them brush as you spoke. “I just want you.”

All caution was thrown to the wind as Bucky’s lips crashed to yours. It was all teeth and tongue, fueled by his need for you. Gone was the sweet and caring kisses you had shared before, replaced by a much more feral version. You moaned into the kiss, tossing a leg over his legs, making your clothed heat come in contact with his denim clad thigh.

Bucky could feel the warmth between your legs on his thigh and it just added fuel to the fire. His flesh hand tangled in your hair as he adjusted his thigh, he wanted to feel you. You fought to keep up with him, the thick thigh between your legs was distracting to say the least. You fought to stop yourself from grinding down onto it but every so often you gave the slightest roll of your hips just to give yourself a bit of relief.

He pulled back from the kiss, pupils blown wide. His hands gripped your hips and he ground you down on him, the thin material of your tights allowing you to feel everything. The moan that fell from your lips was loud and needy. You looked at him through hooded eyes, you felt like you should have been embarrassed but the way Bucky was looking at you left you feeling anything but.

“Come on sweetheart,” Bucky urged. Hands still on your hips, he wanted to feel you work yourself on his thigh and he wanted to watch.

Your eyes closed a moment before opening back up to meet his steel gaze, he was silently urging you on, so you complied. You gave a soft roll of your hips, testing the waters and Bucky let out a groan. So you did it again, then again, the friction was giving you some much needed relief. When you set up a rhythm Bucky’s hand moved under your shirt, feeling the soft skin of your lower back under his rough palm. You relished in the warmth of the skin to skin contact, your entire body starting to heat up. That all too familiar feeling at the bottom of your belly, signaling you were close.

Bucky couldn’t take his eyes off of you, the way your lips stayed slightly parted as small moans and whimpers fell from your mouth. He could tell you were getting close, you just needed a little bit more.“Cum for me sweetheart, I wanna see it,” Bucky growled out.

His words sent you overboard, the friction finally became enough and your entire body quaked from your orgasm. Your hips stuttered and Bucky’s name was a breath on your lips as you came down. As your breathing evened out you chanced a look at him. Bucky’s eyes were lust blown, bottom lip tucked between his teeth and you couldn’t bare it. You coaxed his lip free from his teeth with the pad of your thumb. It popped free for you to claim it for yourself by sucking it into your mouth. Giving it a small nip that made Bucky’s body flex as he let out a quiet moan, you soothed the bite with your tongue.

“Ready to watch a movie now?” Bucky asked with a deep voice.

Your hand moved his lap, outlining the bulge with your pointer finger. Bucky’s body tensed, eyes glued to your hand as it traced lightly around the line of his very obvious hard on. You pulled yourself back from his thigh, feeling your own arousal had seeped through your underwear and tights, a barely there wet spot left on his jeans.

“Y/N,” Bucky tried again. “Don’t you think we should watch the movie now?” He brought a hand up to your cheek, softly brushing the smooth skin.

His tone pulled you out of your trance, you quickly stopped your action around his erection. Your cheeks grew red and your entire body felt hot with embarrassment. You just came by grinding on his leg, leaving evidence of your orgasm in your wake on his pants.

“Oh ‘m sorry.” You shuffled yourself off of him and sat quietly with your hands in your lap, eyes cast downward.

“Doll, hey, look at me,” Bucky immediately noticed your shift, and realized how he came off. “I just meant we have plenty of time for that other stuff. I don’t want to rush this.”

You let out a sigh, “We can watch a movie.” You felt yourself shutting down, but you reached up and snagged a movie to hand to him.

Bucky took you in, softly grabbing the movie from you but he didn’t let your hand fall back to your lap. “Please look at me,” He coaxed.

You looked at him with a small roll of your eyes before falling on his face. His jaw was clenched and eyes intense on you and your breathing became labored, why was he looking at you like that?

“Will you listen to me?” Bucky all but growled out. You nodded your head, unsure if you could speak.

“I’m trying my best here sweetheart. You have been through a lot, hell I’ve been through a lot. We don’t need to go rushing into everything,” He snagged your hands from your lap taking them into his own. “But watching you cum and your attitude is weakening my resolve.”

You let out a surprised gasp, felt like your were melting by his words and his heated gaze. You relished in the feeling of his hands holding yours, the cool metal hand cooling you while his flesh hand felt overly hot on your skin.

“Can we take a step back and watch a movie?” He asked again.

”B-but you didn’t..” Your eyes flicked down to his lap.

“I’m fine,” Bucky smiled at you. “Watching you was more than enough for me, doll.”

You wanted to roll your eyes but you didn’t, instead you gave him a shy smile. “Next time?”

Bucky let out a laugh, “Sure sweetheart, next time.”


	9. Chapter 9

“Y/N, doll..” Bucky whispered as he placed a kiss to your temple. “Movies over.”

Your eyes fluttered open-  _when had you fallen asleep_? _Y_ our head was on his chest, arms around his waist and his warm arm was tightly wrapped around your back, hand resting on your hip. You raised your head to meet his gaze, holding his gaze for a moment. Small smile playing on his lips and you felt your cheeks blush.

“Sorry,” you laughed. Your arms slowly unwrapped from around his midsection and you erected yourself into a sitting position.

“Nothing to be sorry for, it’s just late and as much as I enjoyed being your human pillow,” he teased, loving the pink on your cheeks. “I figured you’d probably sleep better in your own bed.”

You nodded at him, somehow you’d spent most of your day with Bucky but you didn’t want to leave his side. You knew you were just being needy, of course you could go about life without him right before you always,  _right_? You gave him a tight smile before standing, finding a clock to see it was indeed after 10, your early morning workout would be here before you know it.

“Yeah, guess you’re right.” You didn’t mean to sound so sad, but the idea of going to your bed alone was never one you enjoyed really, even though your nightmares had become less and less frequent.

“Sweetheart,” Bucky started as stood, taking you into his arms in a warm embrace. “Don’t be that way, you know I don’t want you to leave, right?” Bucky peppered a few kisses into your hair line, and it made you smile into his chest.

If he was being honest he didn’t want you to leave, even in the slightest. He wanted to drag you to his bed and for neither of you to ever leave, but that wasn’t realistic. Pulling back from the hug you gave him a small kiss to the corner of his mouth, watching as his lips turned up at the corners.

“Goodnight Bucky,” you whispered.

With a hand at your lower back he walked you to the door, stopping for you to snag your boots up. He opened the door for you, staring down at you a moment before crashing his lips to yours once more. It was over all too soon but it didn’t stop you from feeling breathless.

“Goodnight Y/N,” he smiled.

You stood there reeling from the kiss a moment or two before coming to your senses and ushering out into the hallway. Watching his blue eyes disappear behind the closed door. You brought your hand up to your lip, fingers brushing along the kiss bruised flesh. You all but floated down the hall to your room, high on life.

“Y/N,” someone called out your name, pulling you from your daze. You searched the hallway, finding Steve heading to you. “What are you doing out and about so late?”

“It’s not even 11 yet, Steve.” You couldn’t help but roll your eyes, it was barely past 10 o’clock but of course Steve counted that as ‘so late’.

“Yeah well, you know what I meant,” he shrugged. “And why aren’t you wearing your shoes?” He squinted as he looked down the hall behind you, almost as if he was deducing what could have happened or where you could be coming from.

“I uh-” you mumbled. “I had dinner with Bucky.” For some reason your whole body felt hot at the admission.

Steve’s smile grew even wider. “Dinner huh? Well I’ll be.. guess that jerk still has it in him.” He said with a laugh.

“What do you mean?” Your eyebrows drew together in confusion.

“Oh nothing, just joking about our past,” Steve waved off your worries. “I’m just glad he got up the nerve to ask you to a date is all.”

“Oh,” you blushed. “Yeah, me too.”

“Better get to bed, still on for our workout in the morning?”

“Of course ‘Cap’, be there bright and early.” You nudged his shoulder with yours as you passed him.

Steve’s laugh filled the hallway, you shutting your door behind you silencing the laugh. You shook your head with a chuckle to yourself, starting your nightly routine and climbing into bed 15 minutes later. falling asleep almost instantly.

The next morning you were tying up your shoes when you heard a small knock on the door, smiling to yourself, knowing that it was Bucky coming to get you for your morning workout as usual. You stood and flung the door open expecting him but instead you were met with a much smaller red head, Natasha.

“Oh-hi Natasha.” You smiled, hoping to mask your confusion some.

“I know you were expecting Bucky, but Steve sent me to say they couldn’t make it to training this morning. Figured we could go together instead?” She sent you a small smirk and to be honest with yourself you were kind of intimidated by her but eventually you’d have to move past that if you wanted to be a part of the team.

“Sounds great,” you chided a bit too cheery probably. “Let’s head that way.” Your voice evened out to it’s natural tone.

Natasha let out a light laugh and after softly shutting your door behind you, you two were heading off to the gym. There was a comfortable silence between you and before too much longer you two were in the gym. Sam and Clint were off doing their own thing but besides that the gym was empty.

“So what do you normally do?” Natasha asked.

“Well when it’s just Bucky and I we do our own thing. Weights, cardio, whatever,” you explained with a shrug. “But when we come for our normal morning training, Steve watches as Bucky and I spar for the most part. Then later on if we want to we all just kind of do whatever.”

She gave a nod, “Wanna spar?”

“Sure, I probably am getting a bit too used to fighting just Bucky.” You made your way over to the mats.

“He’s a good person to practice with. Believe me, I’ve had my fair share of fights with him,” she laughed while putting her hands up, ready to start. “Most of them he wasn’t himself and they were more than just sparring but..” She lunged at you, you rolled to dodge.

“What do you mean?” You stood and made a swing that she easily deflected.

“Back when he was,” She paused and you sent a nod, telling her that you understood. “Let’s just say we had a couple of run ins before he was back to his normal self.” She made a sweep of her leg and you narrowly missed being taken down by it.

“That must be weird,” you commented as you two grappled, struggling to over power the other.

“It was a first, but he’s a great guy. He still spends a lot of time alone, but when he started opening up to us more it was easy to move on.” Eventually she let go of the grapple and used your weight against you to cause to you stumble some, quickly hopping back up and turning to face her again.

“Yeah, he’s great.” You couldn’t help the smile on your face.

“We have noticed he’s taken a liking to you,” she teased as she made her way to you again, lunging at you to take the fight to the ground.

You landed with a thud onto your back, using your arms to push her and take charge of the fight. You weren’t sure what to say to her, instead focusing on the sparring.

“Have you taken a liking to him as well?” She questioned, no struggle in her voice although she was using her hips to change the momentum and flip the both of you again.

“Well, yes.. I think we may be dating?” You answered timidly, she stopped fighting all together and you looked at her in question.

“You’re kidding?” Her eyebrows were quirked as she leaned back and stood, holding her hand out to help you up.

“Oh-well we had a date last night, and we didn’t go into specifics but-” you roughly rubbed the back of your neck.

She just kind of gaped at you and you suddenly felt like maybe you shouldn’t have told her about the date or the fact that you were dating Bucky, you were dating right? Her reaction wasn’t quite what you expected, considering this was just about the first conversation you had with her maybe you really didn’t have any idea what to expect from her really.

“I’m sorry, he’s just always been so reserved, didn’t think he had it in him.” She resumed her fighting stance and you two picked up the fight. “I think it’s great though, good for both of you to find some normality through everything.” She swung at you and you blocked it, returning with a punch of your own.

“Yeah,” you smiled, pausing just a moment to reflect on what Natasha had said and just like that she pounces.

The next few moments no more words were spoken, just grunts and groans as you two fought for the upper hand. Punches, knees, elbows, nothing was off limits and honestly you loved it. Bucky never pushed you too hard, never actually connecting and now Natasha and you weren’t hurting each other just actually pushing the other. You weren’t sure how long it went on for, but you felt your body thrumming, lungs almost on fire from over working to catch your breath and you watched as Natasha’s chest rose and fell heavily as well. At the same time you and her fell to your backs to catch your breath while you laughed.

“You’re a hell of a fighter Y/N,” her remark was laced with a smile.

“You too,” you smiled even though your body ached and as you breath evened out you leaned up into a sitting position.

You heard clapping from somewhere in the gym, your head whipped to the left and you saw Steve with Bucky trailing behind him. Steve’s clapping stopped once he had both of your attention. Your cheeks were hot, not just from the extensive work out you had with Natasha but also from Bucky’s crystal eyes on you, for who knows how long, but the smile he held clued you into the fact he’d at least seen most of the end.

“Great job Y/N! You as well Romanoff!” Steve beamed like a proud father.

“Evaluating me too now?” Natasha said with a roll of her eyes.

She stood to her feet and held out a hand for you, which you grabbed as you stood as well. Bucky stood still slightly behind and to the right of Steve, arms crossed in front of him. You sent him a small smile, he returned with a small wink your way. Yeah, your face was on fire and hopefully you could write it off as being hot from sparring.

“Sorry we missed the beginning of the work out, but it seems like Nat and you picked right up without a hitch,” Steve gave an appreciative nod.

“Where were you two off to so early anyways?” Natasha asked.

“How about we finish our morning work out?” Bucky redirected the conversation, making you squint at him curiously.

You and Natasha shared a look but didn’t say anything else, you all went your separate way to finish off the morning workout. You were on an elliptical machine, slowing down gradually before calling this a pretty successful morning. Out of your peripheral you saw someone joining you on the machine next to yours, you didn’t even have to fully turn to realize who it was, Bucky.

“Mornin’ sweetheart,” he announced himself as he set his machine to a pace faster than yours but still a pretty low speed.

“Hi Buck.” You weren’t sure why but you suddenly felt shy around him, memories of the night before on your mind. You couldn’t help but remember the feel of his thick thigh between your legs, feeling yourself growing aroused now at the thought made you shake your head. This was not the time or the place.

Bucky gave you a look, and you would have missed it if you didn’t chance a look at him. It was a knowing look, he was thinking of last night as well. You slowed your machine all of the way down before climbing off and leaning against it while watching him.

“I was pretty surprised when I opened the door and saw Natasha this morning.” Your legs crossed at the ankles, reliving some of the ache between your legs, and you hoped to change the subject just in case you couldn’t will your thoughts to move on by yourself.

He smiled, “Just had something I needed Steve’s help with is all.”

“Keepin’ secrets from me Buck?” You teased.

He let out a laugh, drawing the eyes from the others who were gathered by the fridge sipping bottled water. Neither of you paid them any mind, but they definitely all kept their eyes and conversation on you two.

“Nothing like that doll,” he slowed the machine down until it stopped, he stood on it looking down at you with a smile. “You wanna get some breakfast?” Bucky suggested, as if you two didn’t always get breakfast together after a workout.

“You know I do.” You didn’t miss how he changed the subject again, but you let it slide again.

Bucky got down off the machine, sending a wave to the others that still had their eyes on you two. It was then you realized they all held smiles and waved as the two of you made your way out of the gym.

“Use protection!” Sam teased just as Bucky held the door open for you followed by Steve scolding Sam for his comment.

Bucky shook his head and bit his lip, “Sam is something else isn’t he?”

You nodded with a laugh of your own, “Guess everyone is on to us, huh?”

“Well after you ran into Steve last night, he came to my room. Asking my intentions with you, like he’s your big brother or something and not my best pal,” Bucky rolled his eyes. “I told him you’re my girl now, he doesn’t need to worry about me hurting you. He probably told the others, that’s okay right?” Bucky stopped walking and took your hand in his, he hadn’t thought about the fact that the two of you really hadn’t talked about the specifics.

“Of course that’s okay,” you reassured him. “Besides I kind of said something to Nat anyways,” you grinned at him. “I’m your girl huh?” You teased and took a small step towards him, biting your lip and looking at him through your lashes.

Bucky took a step towards you, using his free hand to cup your jaw, thumb brushing your cheek. He leaned to press a small kiss to your lips, you returned the kiss, small but sweet.

“I meant what I said last night, I want it to be me and you from here on out.” He punctuated his statement with another kiss to the corner of your mouth.

“So if I’m your girl then what does that make you?” You turned your head and placed a small kiss on the pad of his thumb that was caressing your cheek.

“Makes me yours.” Bucky’s eyes searched yours for a moment, hoping to convey what he was feeling.

“Bucky, I-” you felt yourself about to confess something that you hadn’t even wrapped your head around yourself yet and you snapped your mouth shut. “We’ll figure out what I’ll call you over breakfast. Let’s go shower so we can eat, I’m starving.” You curved the conversation and took his hand into yours, interlocking the fingers as you made your way to the elevator.

A silence fell over you two and you wouldn’t classify it as uncomfortable but it held a weight, at least to you it did. You had almost said those three little words to him, right then and there. You knew you held feelings for him, but you had never even had the thought of  _love_  and yet you’d almost said it. Did you love Bucky? More importantly, did he love you? This wasn’t the time or the place to be having this internal turmoil. The elevator dinged when it was on your floor and you two continued on towards your rooms.

Making it to your room and promising you’d meet him in his room when you were done showering. You didn’t want to make him wait, so you rushed through your shower, getting dressed in a simple dress and leaving your hair to air dry. You partially did everything way faster than normal as to not give yourself to over-think, not to mention the grumbling of your starved belly. You slid into your shoes and headed out the door, stopping at Bucky’s to knock. He didn’t answer and you checked to see if the door was unlocked and it was, so you let yourself in, Bucky was expecting you after all.

“Bucky?” You called out, no response.

You made your way into the small apartment more, still slightly uncomfortable being in his private space without him knowing. You called out to him again, this time you heard small noise coming from in what you assumed to be his bathroom. He must still be in the shower. You walked over to the door to knock and let him know you’d wait for him in the kitchen, but before you could knock you heard him call out, was it your name that fell from his lips? You felt your breath hitch as you softly placed your ear to the door and you heard it again, this time it was a moan and definitely of your name. You pulled your head back in shock, Bucky was pleasuring himself and you were on his mind.

Unsure what to think of that, you quickly made your way to his kitchen, busying yourself with finding everything you’d need to make coffee. You felt like you’d overstepped a major boundary by listening to him, you hadn’t known what he was doing! But know that you in fact did know what he had been doing, your entire body was hot. Just as you finally got the coffee maker going you heard soft foot steps behind you and you had to remind yourself to breath.

“Hope you don’t mind I kind of let myself in,” You couldn’t even chance a look at him, you were barely hanging on as is. “I started coffee though.”

You were looking through the cupboards for two mugs, after opening the third one and still not finding any Bucky walked up beside you and opened up the one you were going to open next and pulled two mugs from the middle shelf, handing you one. You took it from him with a shaky hand.

“Thanks..” you said just as shakily as your hand had been.

“You okay doll?” Bucky questioned as he took in your frazzled state.

“Of course I’m okay!” You responded, still never looking at him. Turning to the coffee maker and started pouring your glass. “Just need some coffee is all.”

Bucky wasn’t buying it, you had yet to look at him since he walked in the room. You were clearly acting weird, but why? Once you filled your mug, Bucky walked over to you and took the full cup from you and sat it on the counter and placed his empty mug beside it so he could take your hands in his. Your eyes were still downcast and you were nervously nibbling on your lip. It was then Bucky understood and he had a brief moment of panic at you hearing him but what did he have to panic about? You were his girl, so it was quickly covered up with a smirk.

“You heard me in the shower didn’t you?” He asked with a grin.

Your eyes went wide and they finally pulled up to meet his. “I- I don’t know wh-” he clearly knew that you knew so you decided to just be honest. “Fine okay, I heard you.”

“But to be fair, I wasn’t like trying to listen in on you or anything! I just came in and you weren’t responding, and I heard you in the shower and I went to knock and well.. yeah.” You said with a shrug, your face was hot and you were sure he could see the blush on your cheeks.

“Is that okay?” Bucky’s flesh hand made his way up your arm, leaving goosebumps in the wake of his barely there touch.

“Is what okay?” You whispered, unable to much more as his hand ghosted over your shoulder and up your throat.

“That I think of you while I touch myself?” His fingers brushed along your lips before they made their way into the back of your hair, where they tangled into the mostly dry locks. Bucky didn’t seem to be worried by the fact that you had heard him and it only added to everything you were already feeling.

“Well of course it’s okay, I just- I don’t know,” you were rambling. “It was unexpected.”

Bucky’s loud laugh filled the apartment and it helped lift your embarrassment, you shoved him playfully.

“Don’t laugh at me Buck!”

“I’m not laughing at you sweetheart,” he placed a small kiss on your lips and it was over way too soon. “Maybe next time, you could help me.”

Your throat was tight, you couldn’t respond.

“Gets awfully lonely always showering alone,” he tugged your hair softly, allowing your neck to show to him more, placing a small kiss to your pulse point. “Plus I’d like to see you there while I do it instead of just imagining you.”

With that he pulled himself from you and grabbed his mug and was pouring himself a cup of coffee all before you could even wrap your head around what was just said. Bucky was sure enough going to be the death of you.


End file.
